Self-Defeating Devil

I loaned my D&D 5E PHB to my brother-in-law several months ago. I've been meaning to ask for it back. 

Now I think I'll phone him and tell him he can keep it.

 

 

 

 

 

Self-Defeating Devil

A petty and grasping fiend, the Self-Defeating Devil is always encountered as a single creature. It's cursed, although its innate arrogance prevents it from realising that, and the curse causes it to see its natural allies as obstacles between it and its money.

AC 5 [14], HD 7, ATT 1 x fangs (2d6), magic (see specials), THAC0 12 [+7], MV 120’ (40’), SV 8 9 10 11 12 (F5), ML 6, Al Chaotic, XP 300, NA 1 (1), TT None (the Self-Defeating Devil has very little to offer anyone)

The Self-Defeating Devil casts spells as a 5th level Magic User. It is only capable of memorising spells that target others. If the target successfully saves, the spell reflects back on the devil, doing double damage.

Orchestral bestiary

The orchestra went mad while struggling through the Sequenzas. They turned feral and fled into the formal gardens. They live there now, eating whatever they can hunt or forage. You can hear them late at night, playing strange and discordant requiems.

It's only surprising it didn't happen sooner.

Flautist

A skinny woman in a tattered gown, dirt streaked under her wild eyes like war paint. She taught herself to fire darts from her flute. They're smeared with toxins she collects by milking plants in the poison garden.

AC 6 [13], HD 1* (4 HP), ATT 1 x dart (1d4 + poison), THAC0 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 13, NA 1 (1d3), TT R

Specials: Poison. Death in 1d6 rounds, death save negates.

Tuba player

A tremendously fat man, his shirt buttons strain to contain him. He stalks, barefoot, like a predatory building and uses his tuba to fire actual cannonballs. Where did he get them?

AC 5 [14], HD 6 (27 HP), ATT 1 x cannonball (1d10, full round reload), THAC0 14 [5], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F6), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 275, NA 1 (1d2), TT T

Cymbalist

This one was probably a bit loopy even before that fateful day. His tuxedo is stained with blood. He's filed the edges of his cymbals and teeth to razor-sharpness. He giggles and whispers to himself while he uses them both.

AC 6 [13], HD 3 (14 HP), ATT 2 x cymbals (1d6) or 1 x bite (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 12, AL Chaotic, XP 35, NA 1 (1), TT S

Triangle player

No-one's afraid of the triangle player. His only job is to go ting! No-one respects him. Even the other musicians push him around. Maybe that's why he ditched his triangle and picked up an axe. 

AC 5 [14], HD 2 (9 HP), ATT 1 x axe (1d6), THAC0 18 [1], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 20, NA 1 (0), TT P

Cellist

If a wandering martial arts sage saw this guy fight, they'd immediately adopt the cello as their clan's signature weapon. He can swing it like a mace, stab with the end spike or fire arrows from the strings. I think he's been secretly planning to murder the brass section for a long time.

AC 7 [12], HD 4 (18 HP), ATT 1 x swing (1d6) or stab (1d4) or arrow (1d6), THAC0 15 [4], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 75, NA 1 (1d3), TT R

Violinist 

The orchestra's diva. Everything is done with a little flourish. Even swinging that violin bow at you like a sabre.

AC 5 [15], HD 5 (23 HP), ATT 1 x bow (1d6), THAC0 15 [4], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F5), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 175, NA 1 (2d3), TT T

Conductor

Wild-haired, twitch-eyed, muttering in German. He hates his musicians as much as he hates you.

AC 3 [16], HD 7 (32 HP), ATT 1 x baton (1d6), THAC0 13 [6], MV 120' (40'), SV 8 9 10 11 12 (F7), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 450, NA 1 (0), TT T

A bestiary of cheeses

The trap is the second most dangerous thing.

A bestiary of cheeses.

No, you didn't read that wrong. If you're a repeat reader, you know I treasure nonsense. Mine and other people's. It's entirely in character for me to write a bestiary of cheese-based monsters and never stop to ask myself why. 

A wizard did it. Why? Well, if I was a wizard, I would. Wouldn't you? If you're a wizard, who's going to tell you not to enchant cheese?

Emmental

A yellow, mild and nutty monster.  Recognised by its holed and pockmarked surface.

AC 9 [10], HD 3* (14 HP) Att 1 x touch (see specials), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 65, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Swiss me - holes make it more powerful. For every 4 HP Emmental loses to melee weapons, its to-hit bonus increases by 1.
Swiss you - if an Emmental touches a character, the character develops holes. 1d3 damage per round. Save vs paralysis negates.

Bleu

A sharp and salty muscular creature shot through with blue veins. Its smell is strong too. Even when using stealth, its smell gives it away.

AC 9 [10], HD 4 (18 HP) Att 1 x slam (1d10), THAC0 15 [4], MV 120' (40"), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 75, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Mozzarella

A mild, white and stretchy monster.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x wedge (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 3 (2d6), TT U

Specials: Bloop - Mozzarella is immune to impact weapons like clubs and maces.

Cheddar 

A sharp-tasting off-white beast. Cheddars become sharper throughout their life-cycle. Found commonly.

AC 9 [10], HD 1 (4 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 18 [1], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 10, NA 8 (3d8), TT U

Aged Cheddar

A sharper and slightly crumbly version of a regular Cheddar. Not many Cheddars make it to this age. They're too tasty.

AC 9 [10], HD 3 (14 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 3 (2d4), TT U

Brie

A pale, soft monster with a waxy skin.  A Brie is liquid enough to squeeze through cracks and spaces the characters can't use.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x fondue fork (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Spread - on 4-in-6 a Brie can enter a blocked or barricaded space by oozing under doors or between loose-fitting stones.

Halloumi

A squeaky creature with a cracked and burned exterior. The stiff charred layers give it some extra armour and make it smell absolutely mouth-watering.

AC 6 [13], HD 2 (9 HP) Att 1 x grater (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Casu marzu

A soft monster with cheese mites crawling on and inside it. I dare you to eat this one. Hold your breath and close your eyes.

AC 6 [13], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x sharpened cracker (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Mite bites - melee attacks knock mites off the cheese. They swarm the attacker and bite for 1d6 damage that ignores armour. Save vs breath negates.

Library bestiary part 3 - demons and other dangers

Part 3 of the cursed library bestiary. Find part 1 here and part 2 here.

The book-creatures described in part 2 aren't much of a threat, except in large groups. The real danger of them is that they might cause noise. This attracts the attention of ghosts, demons, or worst of all - The Silence.

Ghosts

Librarians  

 

Librarians float around the shelves at random. They occupy themselves reshelving books to their personal system. Books are precious to them. When enraged, they may forget that and use one as a weapon.

 

AC 9 [10] + special, HD 3* (14 HP), ATT 1 x charge or book bludgeon (see specials), THACO 16 [+3], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 10, AL Lawful, XP 80, NA 1d3 (1d3), TT None (on 1 in 6 a librarian will have a single scroll)

Specials: Mundane damage immunity

Charge - deal 1d6 cold damage and paralysis for a round by passing through a target. Save vs breath negates.

Book bludgeon - when hit, librarians become enraged on 2 in 6. In this state, they may attack by hurling a book via telekinesis. Automatically hits, 1d4 improvised weapon damage.

 

Paintings 

 

Paintings like to attack from concealment, and drag victims back into their frames. Perhaps they make interesting scenery.

 

AC 7 [12], HD 4* (18 HP), ATT 1 by weapon, THACO 15 [+4], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4), ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 130, NA 1 (1d3), TT S

 

Specials: Paintings are immune to piercing or bashing damage and take double damage from fire. 

Lead white: Burning paintings emit toxic fumes. Characters within 5 feet take -2 to next turn. Save vs breath negates.

Drag: on a successful attack, a painting can choose to disarm rather than inflict damage. Disarming succeeds on a STR vs STR roll. The target is automatically grappled and may be dragged into a painting.

Poltergeists

 

Knots of emotion and psychic force which fling objects to express themselves. Poltergeists are attracted to strong emotions among characters. They sense these from several rooms away.

AC 9 [10], HD 3* (14 HP), ATT 1 x 1d4, THACO 16 [+3], MV 90' (30'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 80, NA 1 (1), TT None

 

Specials: Mundane damage immunity

Invisibility (as spell), permanent

Telekinesis (as spell), twice daily

 

Living statues

 

Slow but powerful. They carry books, and they want the characters to read them. Statues don't speak or show any emotion. Once a character passes by, it noiselessly steps down from its plinth and follows. When the character pauses, it closes the distance for a grapple attempt. If successful, they force the character to read one of the unsettling passages in their book. At 0 HP they crumble to fragments.

AC 3 [16], HD 6 (30 HP), ATT 1 x 1d6, THACO 16 [+3], MV 60' (20'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F6), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 275, NA 1 (1d3), TT None (1 book as cursed scroll)

Specials: Statues do not receive a bonus to attacking retreating opponents.

Harsh truth: If forced to read from a statue's book, a character develops a phobia or hindering mental condition until leaving the library. Save vs devices negates.

Demons

 

Howlers

 

Shaggy Halfling-sized creatures. They hunt alone, then howl to summon their pack when they spot prey. Howlers are lesser demons - mindless, hungry beasts. They creep in where earthly space becomes corrupt enough to permit them. Books mean nothing to them. They're often killed by other supernatural creatures for damaging them.

AC 8 [12], HD 1 (4 HP), ATT 1 x bite (1d6) or 2 x claw (1d4), THACO 18 [+1], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 80, NA 2d6 (2d6), TT None

 

Imps

 

Merry little tricksters. They think jokes that involve someone getting hurt are the funniest. They'll grease your sword hilt. They'll tie your boots together and yell to disturb a ghost. They'll stuff an angry ferret in your lunchbox.

 

AC 3 [16], HD 1 (4 HP), ATT -, THACO 18 [+1], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 10, NA 2d10 (3d12), TT P

 

Greater demons

They're here to consult a book, like you are. They don't appreciate being disturbed.

 

AC 4 [15], HD 6* (27 HP), ATT 1 by weapon or special (see list), THACO 13 [+6], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F6), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 1050, NA 1 (-), TT I

 Specials: 

Supernatural attacks: the demon will have one of the following powers.

• Scorpion tail, 1d8 + poison
• Acid breath, 1d6 + fills a square for 3 rounds
• Flaming claws, 2d6
• Insect swarm, 1d4 + -1 per round for 3 rounds
• Tongue tentacle, 1d6 constriction damage + lost turn
• Shriek, 1d4 + -2 from ghostly visions for 3 rounds, save vs paralysis negates

Magic: A greater demon will know 1d6 spells from Dispel Magic, Protection from Good, Invisibility, Detect Invisible, Mirror image, Hold Portal.

Retainers: The demon is accompanied by 1d4-1 retainers who will fight to the death to protect it. As Fighter 3.

The Silence

The Silence isn't a physical presence. It's a leaden tiredness that comes over you. It makes your weapons heavy and your pack uncomfortable. You feel like you've been walking for days. The room is stuffy and dim. The gloom seems to swallow up noise. Surely you can take five minutes to sit and rest, maybe read a little...

Noise attracts it, especially talking. Each turn spent in its presence, save vs magic. On success, nothing happens. On failure, lose 1d4 HP without noticing. Leaving The Silence's influence is as easy as stepping into the next room, but it follows at a rate of 1 room/turn.

Library bestiary part 2 - Marginalia

Part 2 of the cursed library bestiary. Find part 1 here.

Marginalia

The art of decorating manuscript margins with educational, comical or topical images is called illumination. The curse brings these illuminated images to life in parts of the library that don't get much foot traffic. Most aren't hostile, but they can be noisy if roused and in the library's deep places, noise will attract worse things than Marginalia.

Drolleries 

Drolleries are the standard illumination images - rabbits holding swords, knights riding snails, armoured men with fish on their heads. In the library they're fully-formed beings, but all have a faint parchment-like quality about them. When they move, it's often with the sound of a page turning.

Frequently-encountered drolleries include:

The Snail knight, who rides a giant snail mount. He may challenge the party to a test of honour, hinting that he has vital knowledge that he can only share with fellow cavaliers. The truth is, he only knows the history of a single isolated war.

AC 3 [16] + special (see end of section), HD 4 (18 HP), ATT 1 x lance (1d6), THACO 17 [+2], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1) ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 175, NA 1 (1), TT None

The Fish knight, who has two brass fish on the side of his helmet. He immediately pledges his undying loyalty to the party and swears to fight and die for the success of their quest. He absolutely will not enter combat, but does loot the body of anyone killed and then try to escape.

AC 3 [16] + special (see end of section), HD 5 (23 HP), ATT 1 x sword (1d8), THACO 17 [+2], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1) ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 425, NA 1 (1), TT None

Armed rabbits, who team up against any armed person they come across. They use clever strategy and acrobatics and form a serious threat. Even so, they usually make a disciplined retreat before they can do any significant harm. The retreat is via a path through traps they set earlier.

AC 8 [11] + special (see end of section), HD 1-3 (5-14 HP), ATT 1 x weapon, THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1-3) ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 16/26/41, NA 1d4 (1d4), TT None

Suffering saints, who may be sick, injured, starved, tortured or in pieces. They call to the party to pray with them, but resist any efforts to help them. Their suffering is a personal sacrifice to their god. Drama queens, every single one of them.

AC 8 [11] + special (see end of section), HD 5 (18 HP), ATT -, THACO 17 [+2], MV -, SV 9 10 12 14 12 (C5) ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 0, NA 1 (1), TT None

The Dying king, who was too stubborn to listen to prophets and saints, and is now paying the price. Like the Suffering Saints, he resists assistance. His only purpose now is to warn others not to make his mistake. The crime he describes is so mild or obscure that it makes the whole ordeal ridiculous.

AC 5 [14] + special (see end of section), HD 6 (27 HP), ATT -, THACO 17 [+2], MV -, SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F6) ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 0, NA 1 (1), TT None

Badly-drawn animals, who mill around making the sort of noises only someone who had never seen one in the flesh would expect. Not hostile, but may panic and run in any direction if spooked.

AC 8 [11] + special (see below), HD 1/2 (4/9 HP), ATT 1 x butt (1d4), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1) ML 5, AL Neutral, XP 16/28, NA 1d3 (1d3), TT None 

Specials: All drolleries are immune to piercing or bludgeoning damage and take double damage from fire. Anything taken from a drollery turns to paper in a few seconds.

Historia 

Historia are images of actual figures from history: saints, kings, heretical bishops, even a few scientists. They can be found doing the things the people they represent could be expected to do in a library. Reading books, giving dry lectures, ordering troops to reinforce the northern border against invaders.

Historia always know where in the library their book is, and what it contains.

Stats: Apply five levels of whatever class is appropriate for the character. Treasure type L (illuminated manuscripts were occasionally decorated with gold leaf and crushed gemstones).

Specials: Historia  have the same specials as Drolleries (see above).

Parodia 

Parodia are similar to Historia, but these images were created to mock their subjects. They may be cross-eyed, have enormous warts on their faces, and wear expressions of bucolic stupidity. They know nothing useful and spend their time performing ridiculous acts. Like Historia, they're not much threat in a fight, but Parodia love to prank people by tripping them on stairs, slamming doors on them, pushing items down from high places, etc.

Stats: As for Historia.

Rubrics

Rubrics are also similar to Historia, but have a faint pink hue to them. They're blood drinkers and the more they drink, the darker their shade and the greater their power. A fully crimson Rubric is a creature to be wary of. They make no use of stealth and repeatedly shout an obscure phrase as a battle cry.

AC 8 [11], HD 2 (9 HP), ATT 1 x weapon or bite (1d6, see specials), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2) ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 26, NA 1d3 (1d3), TT None

Specials: 

Attack improvement: For each 10 points of HP damage done by bite attacks, the Rubric gains +2 to attacks and -2 to Save targets. 

Damage: Rubrics are immune to piercing or bludgeoning damage and take double damage from fire. Anything taken from a rubric turns to paper in a few seconds.

Grotesques

Grotesques are simply faces. Blocky and panel-shaped, wrapped in hair or leaves and ivy. They possess and animate furniture.  Someone who sits without looking may be bucked off a chair, or have their gear scattered by a spooked table. In groups, Grotesques will act like herd animals - the larger ones may attack to protect the smaller ones, who retreat in panic.

Basic chair

AC 8 [11], HD 2 (9 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d4), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 2d6 (2d6), TT None

Wingback chair

AC 8 [11], HD 3 (14 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d4), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 1d4 (1d4), TT None

Stool

AC 8 [11], HD 1 (5 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d4), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 10, NA 1 (1d2), TT None 

Desk

AC 8 [11], HD 5 (23 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d6), THACO 17 [+2], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F5) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 175, NA 1 (1d4), TT None 

Table

AC 8 [11], HD 4 (14 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d4), THACO 17 [+2], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 75, NA 1d2 (1d6), TT None 

Podium

AC 8 [11], HD 2 (9 HP), ATT 1 x bite or kick (1d4), THACO 19 [0], MV 120' (40'), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2) ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 1 (1d2), TT None

B/X compatible monster: Figthing

The One Page Game Jam has ended, and the entries are available for browsing.

They're a fun bunch of games, but some are a challenge to read. There are handwritten documents, background images that don't contrast the text enough, and in some cases a complete indifference to spelling. One game had a section of 'figthing rules'. To my disappointment, it wasn't rules for things made of figs, it was the combat system. So here's a hostile thing made of figs, for which you might also need some figthing fighting rules.

Figthing

A 7' golem molded from bruised and overripe figs. It squelches as it moves, and carries a buzzing cloud of wasps with it. They crawl on and inside it and form a second threat for an adventuring party to handle. Figthings form (super-) naturally in abandoned fig groves under the influence of awakened wasp nests. They stand in the shadows of trees where they won't dry out, immobile until the wasps detect intruders. Then they attack. A figthing is typically active for two to three weeks before fermentation and rot force its wasps to move on and it loses its animating force.

AC 8[11], HD 4 (18 HP), ATT 1 x fist (1d6) + special (see below), THACO 17 [+2], MV 120' (40'), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4) ML 12, AL Neutral, XP 225, NA 1d4 (1d4), TT None

Specials:

Mundane damage immunity: Can only be harmed by magical attacks.

Splatter: Every second round as a free action the figthing can hurl a wad of sticky fruit pulp. If it hits, the target will be swarmed by wasps for automatic damage of 1HP per round and -2 to any action until they take a full round to scrape it off.

Asphyxiate: The figthing can pass up a normal attack to grab an opponent in an adjacent square. STR vs STR to resist. If it succeeds, it will attempt to shove the gripped creature into itself to smother in sticky pulp. Drowning rules apply.

Edible: Each person who joins the attempt can gather 1d4+2 rations of fruit pulp. It spoils in three days unless preserved. A resourceful adventurer would make jam.

B/X class: Goblin

A B/X class for playing goblins as tinkers and trap-setters.

When I wrote up monster entries for some goblin variants I came to the conclusion that it would be a lot of fun to play one in a semi-serious game. Browsing for other people's take on the subject, I found interesting posts on The Treasure Hunter's HQ and Against The Wicked City. Treasure Hunter clearly feels that goblins and thieves overlap, while Wicked's goblin is a vile, mad little scrapper who'll bite you in the unmentionables. I love them both.

I also love Terry Pratchett's vision of goblins as grubby but mechanically-talented scroungers. And I'm unfairly prejudiced against gnomes (twee little shitcakes), so I want to steal that niche for goblins. My vision of the goblin shares elements from all three of those sources. I can imagine one of them leaning out of a steam train cab window, yelling "Show us yer tits!" and laughing evilly around a dog-end cigarette.

My goblin class is a mix of what I found at the two links above and a couple of ideas out of my own brain:

Goblin
Requirements: Minimum Dex 9
Prime requisite: DEX
Hit dice: 1d4
Maximum level: 12
Allowed armour: Leather, hide or filthy rags
Allowed weapons: Small or normal-sized
Languages: Alignment language, common, goblin, orc
Saves and level as per thief

Goblins are horrible green- or grey-skinned humanoids with pointed ears and noses. They average a height of three feet and live wherever tolerated. They live in bands, but solitary goblins will sometimes strike out on their own. They have a reputation as erratic, thieving public nuisances and vandals who love drink and petty crime.

Abilities

Darkvision to 60'.

Tinker: Use the cleric's turn undead table for this, where the GM's assessment of difficulty replaces the monster hit dice number.

• Disarm trap
• Success: trap only triggers on 1-in-6. Each character/NPC passing must roll.
• T: trap is inert, but goblin can instantly reactivate it.
• D: as T, or goblin can disassemble trap to gain 1d3 scrap.
  
  
• Set trap (requires 3 scrap)
  
•  Success: trap will affect one creature.
• T: trap has an area of effect.
• D: as T, or goblin can refine the mechanism to regain 1d3 scrap.
  
  
• Repair weapon/armour
•  Success: item is usable, but functions like a similar item one step lower (eg. d6 weapon does d4 damage, plate protects like chain, etc).
• T: item regains full function.
• D: as T, but the goblin adds spikes to it. Item is +1. Spikes have a 1-in-6 chance of falling off each time the item is used. (Requires 1 scrap.)
  
  
• Build weapon/armour (requires 3 scrap)
• Success: goblin builds a d4 weapon or a shield. It falls apart at the end of the next fight and becomes scrap again.
• T: item functions normally.
• D: as T, but with spikes on. Item is +1. Spikes fall off on 1-in-6.
  

 

Headstab: Similar to a thief's backstab ability. By dropping onto an opponent from above and hanging on, a goblin can make a number of attacks equal to its DEX bonus. Opponent may make a STR vs STR roll to dislodge the goblin on their round, otherwise another headstab attack can be made.

Eat anything: A goblin can live on almost anything that isn't fighting it right now. Allows forage rolls in dungeons and cities. If other party members attempt to eat what it finds, make a save vs poison. On success they gain the benefits of a ration. On failure they take -2 for the next turn as they vomit uncontrollably.

Snivel: By slumping and letting their noses drip pathetically, a goblin can appear to be harmless. Opponents will prefer other targets unless the goblin attacks them.

Mock: A goblin's taunting crosses the language barrier. It can say something or make a gesture to offend any intelligent opponent. GM determines how NPCs react.

The Tooth Merchant

A wandering merchant who sells, buys, fits and polishes teeth of unusual provenance. This is an idea I originally proposed for a zine. It wasn't used, so now I can flesh it out for myself.

The merchant is an always-smiling man of indeterminate race.  He could be human, but his mouth is much too wide and contains far too many teeth. One of them plays music. 

He's most likely to be found at fae bazaars and goblin markets, but occasionally makes his way to regular markets that aren't policed too zealously. Not that he's dishonest, oh no. He just doesn't like getting too much... official attention. He will attempt to charmingly deflect questions about his background and where these teeth come from.

AC 9 [10], HD 6 (21hp), Att 2 × staff (1d4) or teeth (see specials), THAC0 17, MV 60’ (20’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F6), ML 9, AL Neutral, XP 1400, NA 1 (1), TT T

Specials:
The tooth merchant always has smiling teeth, lying teeth, eloquent teeth, snake teeth and shark teeth fitted in his own mouth.

The table below is the catalogue of teeth he generally carries on him. (Special orders by arrangement.) If purchased, they can be painlessly and efficiently fitted in the back of the tent and there's only a 2-in-6 chance that you buy one thing and he fits another (roll 1d20 to see what).

1. Smiling teeth
How can you have a bad day when you're smiling all the time? Gives the wearer an extra save vs mood-altering effects, including fear but not Charm spells.

2. Snarling teeth
These teeth utter convincing threats. +1 CHA to attempts at intimidating.

3. Lying teeth
+1 CHA while telling a lie. However, if anyone asks a question you weren't prepared for, save vs devices to tell the truth. On failure, you're compelled to lie.

4. Honest teeth
You eat lies. If you know someone is lying, make a chewing motion and roll CHA vs CHA. On a win the lie is no longer convincing and you gain the benefit of a ration.

5. Eloquent teeth
+1 CHA when speaking about a learned subject such as art, history, religion, politics, etc.

6. Whistling teeth
You can whistle as musically as playing an instrument, or loud enough to be heard miles away.

7. Lucky teeth
Each time you eat, roll 1d20. On 1 - 14 it's a normal meal. On 15 - 17 it contains a low-denomination coin. On 18 - 19, a high-denomination coin. On 20 a gem.

8. Rat teeth
You can gnaw through cloth, leather, rope and (given time) wood.

9. Snake teeth
Level times per day, on a successful attack you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon. Biting does 1d4 damage and inflicts the poisoned condition. Save vs death to resist.

10. Wolf teeth
On a successful attack, you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon. Biting automatically does 1d6 damage per round until the target makes a successful STR vs STR roll to break free or until you release them. During that time, neither of you can take other actions.

11. Shark teeth
On a successful attack, you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon, doing 1d6 damage. A shark-bitten opponent can no longer use their main weapon and gains the bleeding condition until bandaged.

12. Sabre-teeth
Make you look like a total bad-ass. Once per combat you can roar. Anyone on the battlefield who didn't know you can do that is surprised and drops to the bottom of the initiative order until the fight is over.

13. Goat teeth
Eat a fist-sized amount of anything organic to gain the benefit of a ration. Horrify your teammates.

14. Warthog tusks
Gain a 1d8 gore attack that can be used against opponents in an adjacent square. And a speech impediment.

15. Troll teeth
Regenerate any (non-fire) damage to your teeth or mouth overnight. Curses you with swamp breath.

16. Giant teeth
More like a full set of teeth carved from one giant tooth. Gives you the ability to bellow like a giant. Be heard, anywhere.

17. Vampire teeth
Who needs rations when you have enemies? Bite a restrained or helpless victim on the neck. If you can stay latched on for 1d4 rounds, do 1d4 hp damage and gain the benefit of a ration. Works on anything that has human-digestible blood.

18. Werewolf teeth
As per wolf teeth. Werewolf teeth look like normal human teeth until your bloodlust is aroused, or under the light of a full moon. While your teeth are active, you gain no benefit from eating normal rations. The only rations that work for you are the flesh of an intelligent creature.

19. Salamander teeth
Gain the benefit of a ration by eating the campfire flames. Eating the fire puts it out and the remaining fuel cannot be re-lit. Larger fires will give you indigestion from over-eating, but won't go out.

20. Dragon teeth
Taste the air to see if there are uncovered riches nearby. Lick treasure to see if it's genuine. The downside is that all food tastes like ashes and dirt unless served up on a plate of precious metal.

Killer robots

Have you ever woken from a sound sleep with the best idea ever and forgotten what it was before morning? Today I had the opposite experience: an idea so terrible that my subconscious refused to take responsibility for it and kicked me awake. By morning it was still there, burning like an ember in my thoughts - goblin phone sex operators.

 I have no plans to develop this idea, and no idea how to develop it if I wanted to.

Anyhoo, robots. The first few OD&D games played must have been real kitchen sink settings. I was interested to read that Gary G's Greyhawk had dinosaurs and androids as monsters the players could encounter. It’s a shame there aren't more robots in fantasy game supplements today. Here's some I've statted up, hoping to capture what would have been the 1970s aesthetic:

Roberzerker
A towering armoured beast with a single glowing eye, flailing claw-arms and a grating electronic voice shouting "DESTROY! DESTROY!" Usually set to guard an area or significant artefact. Won't leave the room its guard point is in unless it malfunctions (2 in 6 if damaged).

AC 6 [13], HD 5 (22hp), Att 2 x slam (1d6) or 1 x sonic (1d8, see specials), THAC0 17, MV 90' (30'), SV D10 W11 P12 B3 S14 (F5), ML 12, AL Neutral, XP 550, NA 1d3, TT D

Specials:
Sonic - The robot can make a straight-line attack affecting all opponents in targeted squares. Ignores armour, 3-round recharge.
Boom - a destroyed roberzerker explodes on 2 in 6, doing 1d8 damage to opponents in adjacent squares.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Spider
A dog-sized machine that lurks in the dark in high corners. Has 8 dim red lights as eyes. Will attempt to surprise or swarm opponents.

AC 8 [11], HD 2 (5hp), Att 1 x shock bite (1d6), THAC0 19, MV 120' (40'), SV D13 W14 P13 B16 S15 (T2), ML 12, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 2d4, TT C

Specials:
Climb - a spider can crawl along walls or ceilings at its normal movement rate.
Backstab - as per Thief.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Scrapper
A man-sized construction which collects all kinds of metal for depositing in the hopper on its back, where it's crushed into ingots for storage. Not inherently hostile, but it wants the party's weapons and armour and will attempt to yank them off.

AC 8 [11], HD 3 (8hp), Att 1 x steal (see specials), THAC0 19, MV 120; (40'), SV D13 W14 P13 B16 S15 (T3), ML 9, AL Neutral, XP 65, NA 1d4, TT B

Specials:
Steal - on a successful attack, the scrapper will cut one item of the target's armour free, reducing AC by 2 points.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Hound
A security robot in the form of a lion-sized dog. Usually found walking patrols in an ancient facility, they attack without warning and fight to kill. 

AC 6 [13], HD 5 (22hp), Att 1 × bite (2d6), THAC0 17, MV 150’ (50’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F5), ML 12, AL Neutral, XP 425, NA 1d2 (2d4), TT D

Specials:
Backup - A hound signals for reinforcements when entering combat with the characters. 2d4 more hounds arrive in 1d6 turns.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Lifter
A huge robot on thick legs or tracks, designed for moving loads around. It may be hostile, or simply oblivious to the tiny characters.

AC 3 [16], HD 15 (67hp), Att 1 × crush  (4d8), THAC0 10, MV 80’ (26’), SV D8 W9 P10 B10 S12 (F8), ML 12, AL Neutral, XP 3,250, NA 1 (1d3), TT G

Specials:
Horn - operates every second turn, characters are deaf and unable to communicate via speech while it sounds.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Docbot
The one helpful robot on this list. Docbots are willing and able to perform medical treatment on human and demihuman characters. 3 in 6 chance it's run out of anaesthetic and attempts to inject a patient with a dried-up syringe before performing surgery. Doesn't speak the patient's language.

AC 3 [16], HD 1 (4hp), Att -, THAC0 -, MV 120’ (40’), SV D13 W14 P13 B16 S15 (T1), ML 12, AL Neutral, XP -, NA 1, TT B

Specials:
Heal - can use one full turn to heal a character by 1d6+1 hp. Can only treat the same character once every six hours.
Space age medicine - can treat conditions that would ordinarily require magical healing.
Mechanical - immune to all mind-affecting spells and conditions.

Note on treasure tables - robots don't carry cash, items or spells. In each case the treasure table given represents the value of the advanced metal scraps you can pick from a robot's wreckage. For each line on the table that indicates a non-money reward, roll again on the highest value money reward line.

Court of Apes

A bestiary of apes for a dungeon adventure because sometimes the solution is more monkeys.

Macaque Minister

Ever-mindful of their dignity, Macaques are the orators and speech makers of the court. They argue their positions with punctilious decorum, no matter how ridiculous they are.

"I admire the passion with which the honoured member advocates for socks to be worn inside-out, but has he considered the impact on the yarn-makers and dyers?"

AC 9 [11], HD 2 (5hp), Att 1 × rapier (1d6), THAC0 18 [+1], MV 120’ (40’), SV D13 W14 P13 B16 S15 (MU2), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 60, NA 2d4 (1d6+2), TT B

Specials: 

Sleep - Once per day a Macaque Minister may cast Sleep on any number of creatures who can hear it. Requires a common language and an uninterrupted round of waffling speech. Save vs paralysis resists.

Climb - Can Climb as per a Thief of 3 levels higher.

Ambi-ambidextrous - Can wield a weapon as long as any limb is free.

Prehensile tail - Tail can be used to grip. Can hold the Macaque's and extra weight up to that of a Halfling.

 

Colobus Counsellor

Always ready to offer stupid advice, whether asked for it or not.

"M'lord, I can assure you we will save hours of the servants' time cleaning by simply diverting a river through the castle on alternate Wednesdays."

AC 7 [12], HD 2 (7hp), Att 1 × staff (1d4), THAC0 18 [+1], MV 120’ (40’), SV D11 W12 P14 B16 S15 (C2), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 1d4+2 (2d4), TT N

Specials:
Cure light wounds - Once per day a Colobus can examine a patient and pronounce a diagnosis "You're pregnant/You're dead/You have bees." and provide a tonic in the form of 'medicinal' brandy that restores 1d6+1 HP.
Escape - If attacked, a Colobus may disappear into its own baggy robes and emerge fleeing in an unexpected direction.

Gorilla Philosopher

Gorillas who spend their time debating schools of thought. They slam their fists on the ground, beat their chests, snort and shake their heads, but there's no actual violence.

"The sock question is fascinating and deserves careful consideration. Nevertheless, we are apes and apes have no feet."

AC 6 [13], HD 4 (18hp), Att 2 × slam (1d4) or 1 x logic (1d6 + paralysis, see specials), THAC0 16 [+3], MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F2), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 80, NA 1d4+1 (2d4), TT O

Specials:
Logic - a Gorilla Philosopher may attempt to disprove an opponent's existence. Requires a common language. Attack uses target's Int modifier as a bonus. Success does 1d6 psychic damage and target must save vs paralysis or lose a turn while they doubt their own reality.
Snarl - Once per combat a Gorilla may vent a growl of animal fury and automatically gain initiative for its side in the following turn.

Gibbon Scribe

Gibbons bumble about looking for things to record. Any things.

"Hang about, hang about - what was that part about winding my entrails around the flagpole? And do you mind if I write 'guts'? It's easier to spell."

AC 9 [10], HD 1 (4hp), Att 1 × sharpened quill (1d4), THAC0 19 [+0], MV 120’ (40’), SV D11 W12 P14 B15 S16 (C1), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 10, NA 1d6+2 (2d6), TT S

Chimp Guard

Slouching chimpanzees with chainmail and dented helmets, using spears to prop themselves up. They watch proceedings with a sleepy disinterest until it's time to leap screaming into battle.

"You saying I'm corrupt? 'Cos that's insulting and when I feel insulted it costs twice the usual fee to walk through this door."

AC 7 [12], HD 3 (14hp), Att 1 × sword (1d6) or spear (1d6), THAC0 16 [+3], MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F2), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 2d4 (1d6+2), TT K

Bonobo Page

Chimp-like apes in livery, carrying trumpets and scrolls. They announce visitors and shout the events of the court as they happen.

"Hear ye! Sir Reginald Montague Fineteeth throttles Lord Eustace Curlwhiskers with his tail! Lord Eustace responds via an attempted eye gouge with a fish fork! Lady Marjorie Goldenfur absconds with the last of the pastries!"

AC 6 [13], HD 2 (7hp), Att 1 × trumpet (1d4), THAC0 17 [+2], MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F2), ML 7, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 1d6 (2d4), TT P

Good King Paul

A 7-year old human boy with a cloth tail stitched to his shorts and glued-on monkey whiskers. He shouts nonsensical commands and the apes hurry to carry them out while applauding his wisdom.

"I declare today cheese day! Everyone eat cheese!" "Urgh, cheese is yuck now. It makes me feel funny. Anyone with cheese shall be put to death!" "By royal decree, everyone walk backwards!"

AC 9 [11], HD 1/2 (2hp), Att 1 x kick (1d2-1) or 1 x bite (1d2-1), THAC0 16 [+3], MV 120’ (40’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 6, AL Neutral, XP 5, NA 0 (1), TT I

Library bestiary part 1 - human

For nearly a year I've been thinking about an adventure set in a cursed library. It's giving me some trouble, mainly the map. I'd like to site the main areas deliberately, and use a simple semi-procedural generation for smaller rooms. The details haven't been gelling and I had mostly put it out of my mind, but a week ago I woke up from a dream with the perfect solution - which I didn't write down and had forgotten by morning. Something about a die-drop table? Maybe? I'm still kicking myself over that.

In any case, it's reached the point where I need to write it down in order to either progress my ideas or get them out of my head completely. I don't have a map, but I have a bestiary.

The library was created to house a singular book, the Book of Ashes. It has a wealth of knowledge on a variety of forbidden subjects, including descriptions and true names of a number of high-ranking demons. You don't let people read a book like that, but you don't burn it either. It might be useful some day. So they put it in an isolated building with a staff of scholar-soldiers to protect it. Over time, other heretical but potentially useful books joined it. Then, because it's the nature of libraries, a collection of mundane but associated volumes useful to visiting researchers.

Maybe because of the nature of its collection, the library grew strange and dark over time. The librarians became insular and uncooperative with visitors. Eventually they stopped leaving the library altogether. The building itself grew larger than its walls should allow, and its corridors twisted into a maze.

The library still operates and protects its evil books, but it's a hazardous place to visit.

Librarian castes

Shelvers

Shelvers climb the library shelves like monkeys, deftly reaching for finger- and toe-holds, always careful not to brush against the books. Theirs is the sacred task of returning books to their proper places after they've been repaired, seized from a rival tribe that follows a heretical cataloguing System or (Great Librarian protect us!) read.

AC 8 [11], HD 2 (9 HP), Att 1 × wooden club (1d6) or bone knife (1d4), THAC0 19, MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F2), ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 20, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT P

• Ambush: May set simple traps or push shelves over onto opponents.
• Bombard: May drop heavy items on opponents from high spots.

Returners

Returners are the police force of the librarian tribes. Their job is to apprehend criminals accused of mishandling books, folding pages, or the greatest crime of all - book murder. They go armed with man-catchers. The only punishment is hanging. Executed criminals will be displayed in the entrance hall for a few days, then taken down and expertly butchered so their skin can be turned into leather, their bones into needles and their sinews into thread for repairing books. Returners from rival tribes have a wary truce during times of peace and co-operate to bring book vandals to justice.

They wrap heavy cloth around their faces to muffle their cries if injured in battle. Hushers execute noise-makers indiscriminately.

AC 6 [13], HD 3 (14 HP), Att 1 × man-catcher (1d2 + restrain) or sharpened ruler (1d6), THAC0 19, MV 120’ (40’), SV D2 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F3), ML 8, AL Lawful, XP 35, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT Q

• Capture: Standard tactic is for several Returners to immobilise and gag an opponent so their body can be used for book repair.
  

Porters

Some books are so important than ordinary visitors can't be trusted to handle them. Porters wear harnesses which let them carry a book of any size on their backs, and act as a lectern when needed. They wear blinkers to keep them from accidentally reading their books, and use whisk-like devices over their shoulders to turn pages. If there's danger, they're trained to retreat immediately, shielding their book with their bodies. Porters are always accompanied by two Returners.

AC 3 [16], HD 2 (7 HP), Att 1 × turner (1d4), THAC0 19, MV 120’ (40’), SV D11 W12 P14 B16 S15 (C2), ML 6, AL Lawful, XP 31, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT O

• Retreat: If threatened, back towards the nearest entrance, fighting defensively. 
• Distract: Drop lesser books or scrolls to delay opponents if necessary.
• Magic: a porter will know 1d2 of:
  • Cause Fear
  • Darkness
  • Detect Magic

Lectors

A book is an ideal object (of course), but if you were to (carefully and hypothetically) admit a limitation in their function as information transmitters, it would be that only one person can read them at a time. Having someone read them aloud fixes that problem. The library's altered nature means that Lectors are most often reading to empty lecture halls, but they do it anyway. Tradition is what maintains their privileged position among the tribe.

AC 7 [12], HD 2 (5 HP), Att 1 × wooden bookmark (1d4), THAC0 19, MV 120’ (40’), SV D13 W14 P13 B15 S16 (MU2), ML 7, AL Lawful, XP 31, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT R

• Call to defend: a lector can call up to 1d6 bystanders to defend the book he reads from (and by extension, him).
  
• Magic: a lector will know 1d3 of:
  • Detect Magic
  • Read Languages
  • Read Magic
  • Sleep

Casteless

Hushers

Hushers are an order of warrior-monks, called by faith to enforce the library rules. They patrol the shelves and galleries of the populated areas of the library and and go on days-long patrols through the far sections, where there's danger of bumping into wandering Marginalia. They take a vow of silence and fight with arrows fletched with the hair of executed criminals, stiffened with book-glue.

AC 6 [13], HD 4 (18 HP), Att 1 × bow (1d6), sharpened ruler (1d6), THAC0 17, MV 120’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F4), ML 7, AL Lawful, XP 75, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT P 
Conceal: hide in the shadows and attack without warning if rule-breaking occurs.

Binders

Binders have put aside tribal differences to concentrate on the sacred task of repairing damaged books. Cracked spines, torn pages, faded lettering. Time is unkind, never mind the depredations of the library's despised patrons.

AC 6 [13], HD 5 (18 HP), Att 1 × rope dart (1d6 + tangle) book knife (1d4), THAC0 17, MV 120’ (40’), SV D9 W10 P12 B14 S12 (C5), ML 7, AL Lawful, XP 300, NA 1d6 (3d4), TT N/O

Bibliomaniacs

Despite the obvious danger some people will, accidentally or otherwise, read the wrong book and lose their minds. These madmen haunt the library, even wandering alone through the far sections without fear. Hushers will sometimes kill them out of pity.

AC 7 [12], HD 8+1* (37hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d8 or by weapon), THAC0 14, MV 120’ (40’), SV D8 W9 P10 B10 S12 (F8), ML 12, AL Chaotic, XP 1750, NA 0 (1), TT O 

• Magic: A bibliomanic will be able to use one of the following 3 times daily as a spell-like ability:
  
  • Blight
  • Continual Darkness
  • Curse
  • Detect Magic
  • Locate Object
  • Sticks to Snakes

Send in the clowns

The face of a killer?

A clown bestiary with B/X stats.

People have been talking for years about scary clowns. I always thought it was mostly in fun, but my little nephew is serious about it. I had to change my in-game skin so we could play Minecraft together, because I was dressed as a clown and he hated it.

Players wouldn't be scared though, would they? Not big tough players. I bet they could take on a whole gang of clowns and come out smiling...

Hobo

Dressed in rags or ill-fitting clothes, Hobos are tasked with gathering victims to feed the nest's Foolmother and her Clowngrubs. They're especially attracted to young children, who can be taken in by a painted smile and a bladder on a stick. Many villages have known the pain of hearing their children cry in fear and seeing a Hobo sprinting away on oversized shoes with a handful of kids stuffed into his hula-hoop trousers.

AC 7 [12], HD 4 (14hp), Att 1 × rubber chicken (1d4), squeaky hammer (1d6), claws (1d6), THAC0 16, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F4), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 125, NA 1d4 (2d4), TT S

Specials: Hobos can regurgitate swallowed human intestines to twist into balloon animals, swollen with noxious gas. They burst after 1d4 rounds or if interacted with. The gas irritates the membranes, causing coughing and watering eyes. Save vs poison or -2 to attack rolls until the fight's end.

Pierot

The white-faced Pierot wears motley, a conical hat and a mournful expression.  Don't be fooled, this clown has no mercy. Its skin is coated with slimy white mucus.  The Pierot's chief tactic is pretending to be busy with some task and paying no attention to anyone who might be nearby - then sneaking up and smearing them with its slime as soon as they're distracted.

AC 8 [11], HD 3 (11hp), Att 1 × bucket of whitewash (1d4), claws (1d6), THAC0 17, MV 80’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F3), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 75, NA 1d2 (1d6), TT R

Specials: Pierot slime absorbs into demihuman skin and paralyses the will, leaving the victim a dazed but willing slave to the Pierot's gestured commands. Save vs poison to resist.

Little dog

Pierots are often accompanied by little dogs, which function as their protectors. They're not actually canines, they have a vestigial third pair of insectoid limbs that fold flat against the body.  Agile, and vicious, the dog can dislocate its jaw at will to open its mouth wider than its head. It has multiple rows of jagged, broken teeth. It goes for the soft parts, and then for the throat.

AC 7 [12], HD 2 (7hp), Att 1 × bite (1d6), THAC0 18, MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 20, NA 1d3 (2d4), TT None

Rodeo

The clown nest's soldier caste, Rodeo clowns have nothing subtle or sneaky about them. They operate on instinct, which tells them to attack anyone not part of the nest. They have sticky sweat that binds a protective layer of bullpen dust to their skin. They're also armoured with oversized hats and bandanas. Rodeo clowns can be found defending approaches to the main nest.

AC 6 [13], HD 5 (18hp), Att 1 × headbutt (1d6), claws (1d6), THAC0 15, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F5), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 300, NA 1d4 (1d2), TT Q

Specials: Spits caustic chaw (2d4). 2 x daily, 15' range, save vs breath for half damage.

Foolmother

Source of the filthy clown breed, the Foolmother is a towering blob of flesh in the centre of the nest. She appears bloated and immobile, but most of that quivering mass is actually an egg sac she's embedded in. Give her reason and she'll tear free and leap at you, all sleek black biomechanical limbs topped with a bulbous head and painted smile.

AC 1 [18], HD 8 (36hp), Att 1 × bite (3d8) or claws (2d6), THAC0 12, MV 180’ (60’), SV D8 W9 P10 B10 S12 (F8), ML 9, AL Chaotic, XP 650, NA 0 (1), TT H 

Clowngrubs

The clown's immature stage. Writhing slimy grubs the length of your forearm, with sharp mandibles. They hunt by smell and when one tastes flesh it emits a pheromone that calls its fellows to join the feast.

AC 7 [12], HD 1 (4hp), Att 1 × bite (1d3), THAC0 19, MV 90’ (30’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML 6, AL Chaotic, XP 10, NA 0 (0d6), TT None
 

Mime

Every predator has a predator of its own. The clown's predator is the mime. These beasts exist partly in this world and partly in another. They're often hindered by obstacles that exist only on the other side of the divide and are invisible to creatures native to our plane. That weakness is a strength as well, though. The mime can step sideways past barriers that exist only on our side, appearing inside city walls and locked rooms.

Clowns are their natural prey, but they're hostile to any living thing they encounter. The unlucky or unwary die in the grip of claws that can't even be seen.

AC 8 [11], HD 6 (21hp), Att 1 × invisible sword (1d6), THAC0 14, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F6), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 500, NA 1d3, TT R

Specials: Immune to non-magical weapons.

Goblin variants

Image from Wikimedia.org

I'm slowly and painfully thinking through a dungeon populated by goblins. In order to keep it interesting and justify what I hope are some genuinely underhanded tactics, I'd like to introduce a bit of variety into the inhabitants.

Ranked in order of toughness:

Goblin runt

The smallest and scrawniest of the goblins, they've had to be quick and smart to survive among their bigger kin.

AC 6, HD 1-2 (2hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 80’ (40’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Snot flick - a goblin with hayfever is never unarmed. Instead of attacking, a runt can flick a blob of mucus with pinpoint accuracy to a range of 10'. No damage, -2 to next attack roll.

Goblin bootlicker

These disgustingly obsequious toadies hang around with goblin pit bosses and champions, yelling warnings and throwing them extra ammo when called for.

AC 6, HD 1-2 (2hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Has a satchel containing (1d6):

1. dried rat meat. (1 ration)
2. goblin brew. Tastes like a bugbear's loincloth. Burns with a blue flame. Might sterilise a wound then infect it with something different.
3. part of a halfling.
4. 1d4 tallow candles.
5. 1d2 doses of berserker mead.
6. 2d6 teeth.

Goblin bomber

Easily recognised by the cooking pots they wear as helmets and the slow-matches they tuck under the brim, even goblin bullies leave these guys alone. Bombers are runts who've taken an interest in chemistry. Madder than a soup-fork and half as useful, they make bombs by packing black powder into pottery, wooden tubs, skulls, anything they can find.

AC 5, HD 1-2 (2hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Fire in the hole - a bomber carries 1d4 black powder grenades. Every second round they can throw one with a 15' range. On detonation, 1d6 damage to the square it lands in and 1d4 to adjacent squares. on 1-in-6 the bomb explodes while the goblin is still holding it.

Goblin shaman

Shamans typically know a few low-level spells and prepare the beserker mead that drives a few goblin warriors into a killing rage.

AC 7, HD 1-1 (3hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 40’ (15’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Spells known (one of): Remove Fear, Cure Light Wounds, Darkness.

1d3 pots of berserker mead: +2 Att and damage, +2 AC. Save vs poison to stop fighting.

Goblin regular

A bog-standard goblin as described in the monster manual.

AC 6, HD 1-1 (3hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Goblin bully

Bigger than an ordinary goblin, and meaner too. Everything they have, they've taken from someone smaller.

AC 6, HD 1 (4hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Gimme dat - if disarmed or jealous, a bully can take a weapon from a goblin in an adjacent square as a free action.

Goblin berserker

Frothing at the mouth, biting their own ears and attacking with no regard for an enemy's relative strength.

AC 8, HD 1 (4hp), Att 1 × weapon (+2, 1d6+2 or by weapon+2), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 5, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Goblin pit boss

Pit bosses have years of experience at not dying to adventurers. With a pit boss bellowing orders and enforcing them with kicks and punches, goblins will function like (semi-) disciplined fighters.

AC 5, HD 1+1 (5hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 10, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Tactics - if a pit boss has bombers, bullies will form up in front of them as a protective line while they throw bombs. If the pit boss has runts, they'll flank adventurers while the bigger goblins keep them tied up in melee. Pit bosses count as kings for morale checks.

Goblin champion

Champions have been round the block a few times, and collected a couple of souvenirs on the way. Each champion will have a minor magic item (1d6):

1. Wand of Cold, 1d6 charges.
2. +1 sword.
3. Ring of Control Animals.
4. Potion of ESP.
5. Potion of Heroism.
6. Wand of Fear.

AC 4, HD 1+2 (6hp), Att 1 × weapon (1d6 or by weapon), THAC0 19, MV 60’ (20’), SV D14 W15 P16 B17 S18 (NH), ML 7 (9 with king), AL Chaotic, XP 10, NA 2d4 (6d10), TT R (C)

Tactics - as pit boss.

Champions count as kings for morale checks.

Goblin hound

Inbred, abused and semi-feral mongrels who've had to fight for every scrap of food. On 1-in-6, they attempt to eat the closest runt instead of attacking the adventurers.

AC 7, HD 2+2 (11hp), Att 1 × bite (1d6), THAC0 17, MV 180’ (60’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML 6 (8 in larger packs), AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2d6 (3d6), TT None

Boom - sometimes bombers like to strap canisters full of powder and nails with a short fuse to hounds.

B/X monster: Intruder undead

Art by OpenClipart-Vectors on pixabay

A B/X-compatible monster.

Ghosts are always unsettling and the stronger ones can be dangerous, but there's an even better reason you don't want them hanging around. Ghosts are an open channel between the living world and the afterlife, and sometimes that channel provides a way into the world for things that don't belong to either.

Intruder undead come from a third place which wizards have named the Plane of Restless Flesh. It's a place without structure, where boundaries constantly shift and there's no clear separation between the world and the creatures that live there. Apprentices less mindful of their dignity like to call it the Plane of Screaming Meat.

Some of the beings there have the power to possess ghosts and wear them like environmental suits that let them function in our world. They're not hostile in the way we understand it, but they have a destructive curiosity. They'll smash, rend or tear things (or people) just to see what the pieces look like.

From a combat point of view, once the characters have defeated and dismissed the intruder, they still have the ghost to deal with.

Minor intruder undead

AC 7, [12] HD 1-3* (4/9/13hp), Att x 1 (see specials), THACO 17, MV 90' (30'), SV F3, ML 12, AL Chaotic, XP 13/25/50, NA 1, TT none

• Undead: Soundless until attacking, immune to effects that require a living target (eg poison, disease), immune to mind-effecting and mind-reading spells.
• Mundane weapon immunity: Only harmed by silver or magic.
• Poltergeist: Can lift or throw items up to the size of a backpack. Items moved this way transform partially to flesh.

 

Regular intruder undead

AC 5, [14] HD 5-6** (23/26hp), Att x 1 (see specials), THACO 15, MV 90' (30'), SV F5, ML 12, AL Chaotic, XP 425/725, NA 1, TT none

• As minor intruder
• Fear: Instead of attacking, the intruder can project a fear aura that causes up to its HD in opponents to develop a sudden hysterical fear of their own bodies. Save vs magic negates.

 

Major intruder undead 

AC 3, [16] HD 7-8*** (32/36hp), Att x 1 (see specials), THACO 12, MV 90' (30'), SV F8, ML 12, AL Chaotic, XP 1650/2200, NA 1, TT none

• As regular intruder
• Possession: Instead of attacking, the intruder can attempt to possess a living being. Save vs magic prevents. They gain complete control and can make use of the following powers instead of an attack:
  Blood spray - can spray scalding hot blood from an eye socket. (2 x only, eye is destroyed in the process. Vision unaffected.)
  Crackbones - can break host's bones and extrude them through flesh to make an attack on anyone in 5" range. 1d6 damage.
  Tentacles - can extrude host's intestines through a slit in the stomach and control them like tentacles to grapple anyone in 5" range.

Body-based powers do 1d6 damage to the host each time, but the hp loss is only inflicted when the intruder leaves the body.

Gonzo mansion

Image by David Mark, downloaded from Pixabay

I like the gonzo element of a lot of OSR material.  Of course there's a logical reason the wizard built a maze out of live eels inside a colossal gem suspended within a dead god's eye socket.  But you're under no obligation to explain it to the players -- or even decide what it is in the first place.

And by the same logic I don't need a reason to roll a random selection of mansion rooms from the list provided at  this post on the Unlawful games blog and think up a trap, monster or quirky feature to go inside it.  I just can.

1. Polishing room
A room for polishing the ludicrous amount of silverware a stately home needs to keep it running.  Cutlery, tea sets, serving ware, carving knives, picture frames, knick-knacks by the score.

There may be something about the polish, because the cleaned silverware in this room is unusually lively.  A clucking teapot is chasing the squeaking pieces of a cruet set around the floor.  A dissatisfied cameo frame is looking for something, anything, to fill its centre.  Forks are flinging themselves with careless abandon.  Stats as Rat swarm.

Each round the characters spend in this room they can grab items worth 3d10 SP.  They also roll on the hazard table:
1 - 3: nothing.  Stash that loot safely away.  It goes dormant when removed from the room.
4: Save vs Paralysis or trip on a tea tray and go prone, dropping everything you picked up this round.
5: Save vs Devices or get bludgeoned by a flying sugar bowl for 1d4 HP.  Drop this round's loot.
6: Save vs Breath or be blasted by hot water from a leaping kettle.  Take 1d6 HP burn damage or drop all of your scalding hot loot.

2. Courtyard
An enclosed outdoor area with gravel paths, low hedges and a set of white-painted wrought iron furniture for taking tea on fine afternoons.

There's also a suicide tree intent on collecting more suicides.  It manifests nooses and helpfully drapes them around the neck of anyone unwary who walks the path below its branches, then yanks upwards.

Stats as Treant.  Cannot animate other trees.  Automatically surprises.  First character successfully attacked must save vs Paralysis to get free, 1d4 HP choking damage on each failure.

3. Crypt
The family mausoleum, where earlier generations have been interred one by one as their members succumbed to age, illness, quarrels or bad oysters.

Here you'll find ancient undead being lectured by even more ancient undead about their manners, music, laziness and lack of respect for their elders.  The ancient undead react with the kind of embarrassment teenagers would display when being scolded like children in front of strangers.  No-one's interested in eating, cursing or draining the vitality from the characters.  The ancient undead would like them to go away before they die a second time of humiliation, the more ancient undead want them to agree that children are selfish and stupid and exist only to break their mother's heart.

Don't be fooled though, they'll attack en masse if the characters threaten any of them.  Stats as Zombie.

4. Tack room
Storage for saddles, bridles, stirrups and other implements for operating a horse.

These saddles have been cooped up too long.  They want to be thrown over something and taken for a ride.  The characters will do nicely.  If they fail to fight off the riding equipment's grapple attack, they'll be saddled, tied up with bridles and forced to gallop about on all fours until it's had enough fun and who knows how long that will take.

Stats as Giant centipede (no poison).  Characters are automatically saddled on a hit.  Save vs Device to get free.

5. Porch
There's a swing seat creaking gently in the wind.  It looks so comfortable... so inviting. If anyone sits, the seat launches them towards the treeline.

Anyone who hears it creaking must save vs Magic or be charmed into sitting.  The first character to sit gets launched and takes 2d6 fall damage.

6. Guest house
A self-contained smaller house, for guests.  Smaller guests.  They're all halflings.  They may not have been halflings before they slept here.

Anyone who sleeps in this building becomes a halfling while asleep.  No save.  Each day following they get a save vs Magic and on success transform back again during their next period of sleep.