Minor godly curses, how to attract them and how to lift them

I played Zork Nemesis back in the day. It's a point-and-click adventure game, very atmospheric. There's a section of the game where you explore a series of alchemy labs, one of which is in a deserted church. The poor box is interactable, but all it contains is a curse on anyone who would steal from the church.

We know that historically the clergy have felt they had the authority to dabble in mysticism, because there are records of tersely-worded missives from church leaders ordering monks to stop trying to summon demons to perform their labour for them! It got me thinking about the kind of curses priests would set as traps for people breaking the rules of conduct. Mild ones in this case, intended to teach rather than punish excessively.

He who, within these walls...

1. Mocks or raises his voice in derision,
2. Steals from the church,
3. Games or gambles,
4. Practices arcane magic,
5. Utters falsehoods,
6. Calls upon gods who are not venerated here,

May it be that...

1. He is unable to strike a light and let cookfires gutter when he comes close enough to feel the warmth,  (-2 HP healed per overnight rest)
2. Precious metals tarnish to his touch, (coins become worthless)
3. Any ale, wine or liquor that touch his lips turn foul, (CON save or spend a turn vomiting)
4. Birds cast stones upon him, (DEX save or 1d4 damage)
5. he is visited with fatigue and aching at the joints, (-1 DEX)
6. The stones beneath his feet cry his shame, (stealth impossible)

Until he...

1. Performs an act of contrition such as a week-long bread-and-water fast. (-2 HP healed per overnight rest)
2. Performs an act of service such as cleaning and repairing a shrine.
3. Performs an act of atonement such as contributing money or some kind of material support to the Church's good works. (10% of gold carried)
4. Makes a barefoot pilgrimage to the closest allied chapel. (-1d4 HP)
5. Repents his wrongs in a public square. (Permanent -1 CHA in this town)
6. Sacrifices a valued possession, (worth at least 50 gold).

The why of Big Bad Evil Guys

Good villains are like a spice you can add to an already-tasty meal.

This villain is a: (1d6)

1. priestly
2. wild
3. criminal
4. soldierly
5. mystical
6. monstrous

but:

1. efficient
2. brutal
3. bantering
4. sneering
5. charming
6. dispassionate

1. conqueror
2. corruptor
3. deceiver
4. oath-breaker
5. sadist
6. lunatic

who wants to:

1. get rich.
2. take revenge.
3. seize power.
4. eliminate a people.
5. control a precious resource.
6. serve a dark god.

Their allies are:

1. a fighting legion.
2. monstrous races.
3. malicious spirits.
4. high-level magic-users.
5. evil dragons.
6. servants of a chaotic god.

Their methods are:

1. treachery
2. force of arms
3. profane magic
4. bribery and blackmail
5. thievery
6. spies and assassins

But also:

1. bounty hunters.
2. spreading plague.
3. hauntings and evil omens.
4. traps and false trails.
5. innocent dupes.
6. fierce beasts.

Their secret lair is in:

1. an active volcano.
2. a tumbledown keep.
3. a cursed temple.
4. a malignant forest.
5. a stern tyrant's ruling city.
6. a haunted wasteland.

They've lived a life of:

1. harsh discipline and self-denial.
2. betrayal by loved ones.
3. visions and nightmares.
4. slowly accumulating of power.
5. unwillingly hearing whispers from dark spirits in the night.
6. cruel acts from a young age.

They're vulnerable to:

1. a double-cross by an ambitious lieutenant.
2. a specific magical item.
3. their own hubris.
4. the conditions of an ancient prophecy.
5. an imprisoned former ally who knows their secrets.
6. an exploitable flaw in their plan.

20 more unusual potions

Getcha potions here! Want long hair, red hair, blue hair, no hair? I got potions for that! I got potions for arthritis, blindness, ringing of the kidneys and fear of public speaking! My aunt took this potion to cure chronic nagging and her husband dropped stone dead! Potions potions potions!

Original list here.

Except where otherwise stated, potion effects last for 8 - CON bonus hours.

1. Trekker's Tonic 

Causes the drinker's forehead to form hard, leathery ridges. Headbutts do damage like a small club.

2. Odourific Catulary Tincture 

Allows the drinker to smell words. Scripture smells papery, poetry like flowers, taunts like pepper and lies like manure. Causes hair loss.

3. Catabolic Emission Draught

The drinker radiates heat like a small campfire, suffering 1d2 damage per hour the potion is active.

4. Postmortem Simulacrum Formula

Gives the drinker qualities associated with undeath - cold skin, silent movement, immunity to mind-effecting conditions. Also makes holy symbols appear painfully bright.

5. Maternal Oversight Blend

Causes the drinker a deep sense of shame and awareness that their mother would be disappointed while taking actions inconsistent with their alignment.

6. Prismatic Diaphoresis Salve

Causes the drinker's hands and feet to sweat a vibrantly-coloured liquid that stains what it touches and glows in torchlight. Better than breadcrumbs.

7. Potion of Mirthful Surprise

Has the colour, texture and smell of a more useful potion, but all this one does is permanently transform the drinker's ears into donkey ears. Good news: there's a bounty on the alchemist who invented it.

8. Potion of Gerald

Transforms the drinker into a skinny, red-headed, human barrel-maker with no levels.

9. Cricetus Receptacle Formula

Gives the drinker cheek pouches like a hamster's, providing two extra inventory slots.

10. Animate Ladder Tincture

Doesn't actually do anything to ladders. Causes the bones of the drinker's spine to lengthen and thicken into easily-gripped nodules, while their legs lock in place. They stretch by 3+STR bonus yards. Wears off after 1 or CON bonus minutes, whichever is longer.

11. Pox Mantle Tea

Briefly gives the drinker the symptoms of a virulent, disfiguring, contagious and embarrassing disease.

12. Serene Footwear Emulsion

Regardless of the drinker's actual footwear, they have the sensation of wearing comfortable slippers.

13. Decumbent Viewpoint Blend

Convinces the drinker they are a gnome. If drunk by a gnome, convinces them they are the ruler of all gnomes.

14. Aureal Lodestone Draught

Causes gold items to stick to the drinker as if magnetically. Sweep up that hoard while keeping your hands free! A coating of 600 + 5 x CON coins gives +2 AC but reduces movement by 10 feet.

15. Lagomorphic Fragrance Mix

Replaces the drinker's scent with that of a rabbit. May throw a nasally-gifted pursuer off track. Causes hunger for dandelions. May also attract natural predators.

16. Tenebrous Attenuation Formula

Turns off the drinker's shadow. Also makes them invisible to ghosts.

17. Patient Posset of the Braggart's Bride

Makes the drinker appear to be awake and alert while restfully asleep. They'll even make encouraging noises during lulls in conversation. (But honey, you love my roleplaying stories!)

18. Cud Chewer's Salve

Makes the drinker's choice of one kind of normally-inedible plant material useable as a ration. Spines, bark, poisons, plants that try to eat you back. They all taste like chicken.

19. Sediment Navigation Tincture

Allows the drinker to swim through soil or sand as though it had the consistency of thin mud. Care should be taken as roots and prepared stone won't part easily and dirt isn't breathable.

20. Draconic Likeness Discernment Tea

Makes the drinker hyper-aware of rock formations that look kinda like dragons. Not actual dragons. Just rocks that look like them.

The why of mcguffins

The macguffin. The prime motivator of a million campaigns. It doesn't matter what it is, everyone wants it, or wants someone else to not get their hands on it.

But you need something to tell the players. They can't chase halfway across the world after a mysterious, unnamed stand-in item. What if they find the wrong one? You can use this table to cook up an instant mcguffin.

This item resembles a (1d6):

1. sword
2. shield
3. staff
4. crown
5. book
6. statue

decorated with:

1. inlaid jewels.
2. eldritch runes.
3. an embossed holy symbol.
4. the personal sigil of a mythical figure.
5. a stylised devil's face.
6. a rare lacquer.

It's contained in a:

1. stained and discoloured chest.
2. velvet bag sewn with pegasus hair.
3. form-fitting container crafted from a single chunk of granite.
4. box with brightly-polished fittings and inlaid precious metals.
5. living creature's belly.
6. building's hidden alcove.

Its current holder is:

1. a wealthy merchant
2. a warlord
3. a wizard
4. a priest
5. a devil
6. a lich

and they obtained it through:

1. spoils of war.
2. trickery.
3. a game of skill.
4. a reward for a service.
5. a ransom.
6. a patron's gift.

It's said to have the power to:

1. heal any wound
2. crush any army
3. force any mortal being to obey the wielder
4. point the way to a great treasure
5. grant immortality
6. convey rulership of a kingdom

at the cost of:

1. corruption of the will.
2. a monstrous transformation.
3. the user's soul.
4. accepting a painful burden.
5. a loved one's life.
6. eternal servitude.

It's sought by:

1. a cult
2. a dying king
3. a dragon
4. a minor god
5. a general
6. a monster

using:

1. spies and assassins
2. mercenaries
3. monstrous servants
4. amoral adventurers
5. diplomats and agents
6. oracles and seers

for:

1. a war of conquest
2. a token of love
3. payment of a vast debt
4. a gift to impress a superior
5. the sake of denying it to an enemy
6. sheer greed

but secretly:

1. it's a powerless replica.
2. it has the opposite effect.
3. someone unexpected pays the cost.
4. it destroys the value of its gift, monkey's paw-style.
5. it has a second, hidden effect.
6. it fulfils its purpose in an unexpected way.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of travelling carnivals

Life in a small fantasy town is pretty dull when you're not being menaced by monsters. Harvest the turnips, tend the sheep, laugh at Old Hob getting drunk and falling off a stump... but when the travelling carnival comes to town, there's some relief from all that.

The carnival offers spectacle and regrettable snacks, but peer behind the tent flaps and there's also intrigue, danger, mysticism and adventure to be found. (By PCs, that is. Those turnips won't wait.)

The first thing you notice is (1d6):

1. colourful silk bunting.
2. a tall tent.
3. whimsical music.
4. strolling performers.
5. big animals.
6. garish pasteboard signs.

Wandering the grounds you might bump into a:

1. clown performing pratfalls.
2. stilt walker.
3. juggler tossing pins.
4. fire eater blowing fireballs above his head.
5. barker calling customers to an attraction.
6. roustabout carrying armloads of equipment.

On the stage you could see:

1. acrobats.
2. knife throwers.
3. sharpshooters.
4. strongmen.
5. a stage magician.
6. dancers in risqué costumes. 

You could pay to ride:

1. a mechanical bull operated with pulleys and cranks.
2. ponies.
3. camels or other exotic animals.
4. well-fed (but muzzled) monstrous creatures.
5. a horse cart with seats that go up and down as the wheels turn.
6. a wooden ferris wheel powered by a donkey.

If you're hungry, there are:

1. honeyed apples.
2. sausages.
3. spiced buns.
4. salted pease with pepper and vinegar.
5. fried pickles.
6. dried fruit and nuts.

This carnival's pride is its:

1. menagerie.
2. calliope.
3. retired adventurer who tells the tale of his greatest venture with help from actors in monster costumes.
4. alchemical fireworks.
5. trapeze artists.
6. dwarven-made mechanical dragon.

Prepare to get cheated at a contest of:

1. arm-wrestling.
2. pitching axes.
3. target-shooting.
4. ducking a fool.
5. ring-tossing.
6. jousting with padded lances on wobbly carts.

inside this tent is a:

1. fortune teller.
2. freak show starring exotic humanoids pretending to be savage.
3. magical item rare enough to impress the yokels.
4. wizard's apprentice earning money for their studies.
5. burlesque performance.
6. medicine show.

The carnival's misfortune is:

1. a crowd-pulling act that quit recently
2. an apprentice that died in a training accident
3. a big booking that fell through
4. a new law that restricts travelling entertainments
5. illness among the draft animals
6. a debt they can't pay

and their secret is:

1. the ringmaster and other managers are doppelgangers.
2. one of the trapeze artists is the runaway child of nobility.
3. they're spies.
4. their monstrous humanoids are polymorphed people they kidnapped along the way.
5. they're revolutionaries against a tyrannical authority.
6. they're retired adventurers, but a good enough score might tempt them to take up arms and race the PCs to the prize.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of festivals

You're approaching a town and you can hear music and laughter coming from around the bend. You've had the good luck of stumbling onto a local festival in progress.

Your pockets are jingling with coins - or else maybe you're broke and need to check the notice board for tavern keepers who want someone to kill the rats in their cellar. Either way, everyone's having a good time so you may as well join in.

It's a (1d6):

1. harvest festival.
2. commemoration of a famous historical event.
3. religious holiday.
4. trade fair.
5. guild day.
6. seasonal celebration.

You can smell the:

1. pork pies
2. sausages
3. pastries
4. raisin buns
5. candied fruits
6. peaches in sweet syrup

and there's flowing:

1. beer.
2. mulled ale.
3. black stout.
4. wine.
5. cider.
6. applejack.

The crowd are being entertained by:

1. wandering stilt-walkers
2. capering clowns
3. jugglers
4. performing minstrels
5. story-tellers
6. tumblers
   

and:

1. a game of ring-toss.
2. a wife-carrying race.
3. wrestling.
4. bobbing for apples.
5. a gurning contest (pulling grotesque faces).
6. a slippery pole race.

Beyond that is a stage where:

1. the mayor or headman is giving a speech
2. a priest is offering a blessing for all present
3. a history is being recited
4. a traditional song is being sung
5. children are reciting a teaching poem
6. an ancestral hero's armour and weapons are on display

but afterwards:

1. contest winners will be announced.
2. play actors will put on a performance.
3. a band will set up.
4. an effigy will be burned on a bonfire.
5. there will be dancing.
6. there's a scavenger hunt.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The Why of Armed Companies

Wander a fantasy landscape long enough and you're bound to come across an armed force on their way to or from inflicting violence. They may be a scrappy but brave force of irregulars defending their homeland. They may be raiders and slavers out to enrich themselves. They may be hideous monsters who want sacrifices for their dark gods.

The only thing all armies have in common is that they're probably not at all nervous about bumping into the PCs.

This company of soldiers is formed of:

1. a single folk, common in this area
2. several races, all local
3. a range of folks, including some flyers and some that don't speak Common
4. a mix of uncommon races from far countries
5. creatures unrecognised by locals
6. monstrous races and magical constructs

For the purpose of:

1. waging war.
2. patrolling a contested border.
3. suppressing a rebellious population.
4. suppressing banditry and putting down hostile monsters.
5. raiding neighbouring settlements and capturing slaves.
6. confiscating civilian property.

They're:

1. a ragtag militia
2. green recruits
3. experienced troops
4. veteran fighters
5. an elite force
6. trained to fight exotic threats like monsters or magic

And their equipment:

1. is a hasty assemblage of shoddy and mismatched armour and weapons.
2. is cheap and poor quality.
3. is serviceable and well-maintained.
4. is good quality and carefully looked after.
5. is expensively decorated with gems and company badges, and includes magic items.
6. includes esoteric weapons and defences for fighting unconventional enemies.

They're here because:

1. they're marching to battle.
2. they're making an orderly retreat.
3. they're returning from battle laden with loot and prisoners.
4. they mutinied against joining a hopeless battle.
5. they're pursuing a fleeing enemy.
6. they deserted to form a mercenary company.

They want:

1. good foraging opportunities
2. a guide to show them a shortcut
3. advance knowledge of the settlements they'll pass through
4. to conscript new recruits
5. to recruit spies
6. a hot meal and somewhere safe to rest

But they don't want:

1. witnesses to report on their travels.
2. to stop for civilian problems.
3. their supply train to lag behind.
4. to split into smaller bands.
5. dissent in the ranks.
6. to offend the local religion.

Their main problem is:

1. shortage of supplies
2. delay caused by weather
3. navigating unfamiliar terrain
4. misguided orders that place them in unnecessary danger
5. their planned route is cut off
6. intelligence on the enemy is completely wrong

and their hidden problem is:

1. disease spreading in the ranks.
2. a spy among the officers.
3. a host of enraged undead following them.
4. their leader is cursed.
5. they've made an enemy of a powerful third party.
6. they died in battle and they don't know it.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)