A bestiary of cheeses

The trap is the second most dangerous thing.

A bestiary of cheeses.

No, you didn't read that wrong. If you're a repeat reader, you know I treasure nonsense. Mine and other people's. It's entirely in character for me to write a bestiary of cheese-based monsters and never stop to ask myself why. 

A wizard did it. Why? Well, if I was a wizard, I would. Wouldn't you? If you're a wizard, who's going to tell you not to enchant cheese?

Emmental

A yellow, mild and nutty monster.  Recognised by its holed and pockmarked surface.

AC 9 [10], HD 3* (14 HP) Att 1 x touch (see specials), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 65, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Swiss me - holes make it more powerful. For every 4 HP Emmental loses to melee weapons, its to-hit bonus increases by 1.
Swiss you - if an Emmental touches a character, the character develops holes. 1d3 damage per round. Save vs paralysis negates.

Bleu

A sharp and salty muscular creature shot through with blue veins. Its smell is strong too. Even when using stealth, its smell gives it away.

AC 9 [10], HD 4 (18 HP) Att 1 x slam (1d10), THAC0 15 [4], MV 120' (40"), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 75, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Mozzarella

A mild, white and stretchy monster.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x wedge (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 3 (2d6), TT U

Specials: Bloop - Mozzarella is immune to impact weapons like clubs and maces.

Cheddar 

A sharp-tasting off-white beast. Cheddars become sharper throughout their life-cycle. Found commonly.

AC 9 [10], HD 1 (4 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 18 [1], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 10, NA 8 (3d8), TT U

Aged Cheddar

A sharper and slightly crumbly version of a regular Cheddar. Not many Cheddars make it to this age. They're too tasty.

AC 9 [10], HD 3 (14 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 3 (2d4), TT U

Brie

A pale, soft monster with a waxy skin.  A Brie is liquid enough to squeeze through cracks and spaces the characters can't use.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x fondue fork (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Spread - on 4-in-6 a Brie can enter a blocked or barricaded space by oozing under doors or between loose-fitting stones.

Halloumi

A squeaky creature with a cracked and burned exterior. The stiff charred layers give it some extra armour and make it smell absolutely mouth-watering.

AC 6 [13], HD 2 (9 HP) Att 1 x grater (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Casu marzu

A soft monster with cheese mites crawling on and inside it. I dare you to eat this one. Hold your breath and close your eyes.

AC 6 [13], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x sharpened cracker (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Mite bites - melee attacks knock mites off the cheese. They swarm the attacker and bite for 1d6 damage that ignores armour. Save vs breath negates.