Minor godly curses, how to attract them and how to lift them

I played Zork Nemesis back in the day. It's a point-and-click adventure game, very atmospheric. There's a section of the game where you explore a series of alchemy labs, one of which is in a deserted church. The poor box is interactable, but all it contains is a curse on anyone who would steal from the church.

We know that historically the clergy have felt they had the authority to dabble in mysticism, because there are records of tersely-worded missives from church leaders ordering monks to stop trying to summon demons to perform their labour for them! 

It got me thinking about the kind of curses priests would set as traps for people breaking the rules of conduct. Mild ones in this case, intended to teach rather than punish excessively. I imagine they'd be posted discretely near the entrance, where you'd spot them if you were paying attention.

He who, within these walls...

1. Mocks or raises his voice in derision,
2. Steals from the church,
3. Games or gambles,
4. Practices arcane magic,
5. Utters falsehoods,
6. Calls upon gods who are not venerated here,

May it be that...

1. He is unable to strike a light and let cookfires gutter when he comes close enough to feel the warmth,  (-2 HP healed per overnight rest)
2. Precious metals tarnish to his touch, (coins become worthless)
3. Any ale, wine or liquor that touch his lips turn foul, (CON save or spend a turn vomiting)
4. Birds cast stones upon him, (DEX save or 1d4 damage)
5. he is visited with fatigue and aching at the joints, (-1 DEX)
6. The stones beneath his feet cry his shame, (stealth impossible)

Until he...

1. Performs an act of contrition such as a week-long bread-and-water fast. (-2 HP healed per overnight rest)
2. Performs an act of service such as cleaning and repairing a shrine.
3. Performs an act of atonement such as contributing money or some kind of material support to the Church's good works. (10% of gold carried)
4. Makes a barefoot pilgrimage to the closest allied chapel. (-1d4 HP)
5. Repents his wrongs in a public square. (Permanent -1 CHA in this town)
6. Sacrifices a valued possession, (worth at least 50 gold).

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of Big Bad Evil Guys

Good villains are like a spice you can add to an already-tasty meal.

This villain is a: (1d6)

1. priestly
2. wild
3. criminal
4. soldierly
5. mystical
6. monstrous

but:

1. efficient
2. brutal
3. bantering
4. sneering
5. charming
6. dispassionate

1. conqueror
2. corruptor
3. deceiver
4. oath-breaker
5. sadist
6. lunatic

who wants to:

1. get rich.
2. take revenge.
3. seize power.
4. eliminate a people.
5. control a precious resource.
6. serve a dark god.

Their allies are:

1. a fighting legion.
2. monstrous races.
3. malicious spirits.
4. high-level magic-users.
5. evil dragons.
6. servants of a chaotic god.

Their methods are:

1. treachery
2. force of arms
3. profane magic
4. bribery and blackmail
5. thievery
6. spies and assassins

But also:

1. bounty hunters.
2. spreading plague.
3. hauntings and evil omens.
4. traps and false trails.
5. innocent dupes.
6. fierce beasts.

Their secret lair is in:

1. an active volcano.
2. a tumbledown keep.
3. a cursed temple.
4. a malignant forest.
5. a stern tyrant's ruling city.
6. a haunted wasteland.

They've lived a life of:

1. harsh discipline and self-denial.
2. betrayal by loved ones.
3. visions and nightmares.
4. slowly accumulating of power.
5. unwillingly hearing whispers from dark spirits in the night.
6. cruel acts from a young age.

They're vulnerable to:

1. a double-cross by an ambitious lieutenant.
2. a specific magical item.
3. their own hubris.
4. the conditions of an ancient prophecy.
5. an imprisoned former ally who knows their secrets.
6. an exploitable flaw in their plan.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

20 more unusual potions

Getcha potions here! Want long hair, red hair, blue hair, no hair? I got potions for that! I got potions for arthritis, blindness, ringing of the kidneys and fear of public speaking! My aunt took this potion to cure chronic nagging and her husband dropped stone dead! Potions potions potions!

Original list here.

Except where otherwise stated, potion effects last for 8 - CON bonus hours.

1. Trekker's Tonic 

Causes the drinker's forehead to form hard, leathery ridges. Headbutts do damage like a small club.

2. Odourific Catulary Tincture 

Allows the drinker to smell words. Scripture smells papery, poetry like flowers, taunts like pepper and lies like manure. Causes hair loss.

3. Catabolic Emission Draught

The drinker radiates heat like a small campfire, suffering 1d2 damage per hour the potion is active.

4. Postmortem Simulacrum Formula

Gives the drinker qualities associated with undeath - cold skin, silent movement, immunity to mind-effecting conditions. Also makes holy symbols appear painfully bright.

5. Maternal Oversight Blend

Causes the drinker a deep sense of shame and awareness that their mother would be disappointed while taking actions inconsistent with their alignment.

6. Prismatic Diaphoresis Salve

Causes the drinker's hands and feet to sweat a vibrantly-coloured liquid that stains what it touches and glows in torchlight. Better than breadcrumbs.

7. Potion of Mirthful Surprise

Has the colour, texture and smell of a more useful potion, but all this one does is permanently transform the drinker's ears into donkey ears. Good news: there's a bounty on the alchemist who invented it.

8. Potion of Gerald

Transforms the drinker into a skinny, red-headed, human barrel-maker with no levels.

9. Cricetus Receptacle Formula

Gives the drinker cheek pouches like a hamster's, providing two extra inventory slots.

10. Animate Ladder Tincture

Doesn't actually do anything to ladders. Causes the bones of the drinker's spine to lengthen and thicken into easily-gripped nodules, while their legs lock in place. They stretch by 3+STR bonus yards. Wears off after 1 or CON bonus minutes, whichever is longer.

11. Pox Mantle Tea

Briefly gives the drinker the symptoms of a virulent, disfiguring, contagious and embarrassing disease.

12. Serene Footwear Emulsion

Regardless of the drinker's actual footwear, they have the sensation of wearing comfortable slippers.

13. Decumbent Viewpoint Blend

Convinces the drinker they are a gnome. If drunk by a gnome, convinces them they are the ruler of all gnomes.

14. Aureal Lodestone Draught

Causes gold items to stick to the drinker as if magnetically. Sweep up that hoard while keeping your hands free! A coating of 600 + 5 x CON coins gives +2 AC but reduces movement by 10 feet.

15. Lagomorphic Fragrance Mix

Replaces the drinker's scent with that of a rabbit. May throw a nasally-gifted pursuer off track. Causes hunger for dandelions. May also attract natural predators.

16. Tenebrous Attenuation Formula

Turns off the drinker's shadow. Also makes them invisible to ghosts.

17. Patient Posset of the Braggart's Bride

Makes the drinker appear to be awake and alert while restfully asleep. They'll even make encouraging noises during lulls in conversation. (But honey, you love my roleplaying stories!)

18. Cud Chewer's Salve

Makes the drinker's choice of one kind of normally-inedible plant material useable as a ration. Spines, bark, poisons, plants that try to eat you back. They all taste like chicken.

19. Sediment Navigation Tincture

Allows the drinker to swim through soil or sand as though it had the consistency of thin mud. Care should be taken as roots and prepared stone won't part easily and dirt isn't breathable.

20. Draconic Likeness Discernment Tea

Makes the drinker hyper-aware of rock formations that look kinda like dragons. Not actual dragons. Just rocks that look like them.

The why of mcguffins

The macguffin. The prime motivator of a million campaigns. It doesn't matter what it is, everyone wants it, or wants someone else to not get their hands on it.

But you need something to tell the players. They can't chase halfway across the world after a mysterious, unnamed stand-in item. What if they find the wrong one? You can use this table to cook up an instant mcguffin.

This item resembles a (1d6):

1. sword
2. shield
3. staff
4. crown
5. book
6. statue

decorated with:

1. inlaid jewels.
2. eldritch runes.
3. an embossed holy symbol.
4. the personal sigil of a mythical figure.
5. a stylised devil's face.
6. a rare lacquer.

It's contained in a:

1. stained and discoloured chest.
2. velvet bag sewn with pegasus hair.
3. form-fitting container crafted from a single chunk of granite.
4. box with brightly-polished fittings and inlaid precious metals.
5. living creature's belly.
6. building's hidden alcove.

Its current holder is:

1. a wealthy merchant
2. a warlord
3. a wizard
4. a priest
5. a devil
6. a lich

and they obtained it through:

1. spoils of war.
2. trickery.
3. a game of skill.
4. a reward for a service.
5. a ransom.
6. a patron's gift.

It's said to have the power to:

1. heal any wound
2. crush any army
3. force any mortal being to obey the wielder
4. point the way to a great treasure
5. grant immortality
6. convey rulership of a kingdom

at the cost of:

1. corruption of the will.
2. a monstrous transformation.
3. the user's soul.
4. accepting a painful burden.
5. a loved one's life.
6. eternal servitude.

It's sought by:

1. a cult
2. a dying king
3. a dragon
4. a minor god
5. a general
6. a monster

using:

1. spies and assassins
2. mercenaries
3. monstrous servants
4. amoral adventurers
5. diplomats and agents
6. oracles and seers

for:

1. a war of conquest
2. a token of love
3. payment of a vast debt
4. a gift to impress a superior
5. the sake of denying it to an enemy
6. sheer greed

but secretly:

1. it's a powerless replica.
2. it has the opposite effect.
3. someone unexpected pays the cost.
4. it destroys the value of its gift, monkey's paw-style.
5. it has a second, hidden effect.
6. it fulfils its purpose in an unexpected way.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)