The why of mcguffins

The macguffin. The prime motivator of a million campaigns. It doesn't matter what it is, everyone wants it, or wants someone else to not get their hands on it.

But you need something to tell the players. They can't chase halfway across the world after a mysterious, unnamed stand-in item. What if they find the wrong one? You can use this table to cook up an instant mcguffin.

This item resembles a (1d6):

1. sword
2. shield
3. staff
4. crown
5. book
6. statue

decorated with:

1. inlaid jewels.
2. eldritch runes.
3. an embossed holy symbol.
4. the personal sigil of a mythical figure.
5. a stylised devil's face.
6. a rare lacquer.

It's contained in a:

1. stained and discoloured chest.
2. velvet bag sewn with pegasus hair.
3. form-fitting container crafted from a single chunk of granite.
4. box with brightly-polished fittings and inlaid precious metals.
5. living creature's belly.
6. building's hidden alcove.

Its current holder is:

1. a wealthy merchant
2. a warlord
3. a wizard
4. a priest
5. a devil
6. a lich

and they obtained it through:

1. spoils of war.
2. trickery.
3. a game of skill.
4. a reward for a service.
5. a ransom.
6. a patron's gift.

It's said to have the power to:

1. heal any wound
2. crush any army
3. force any mortal being to obey the wielder
4. point the way to a great treasure
5. grant immortality
6. convey rulership of a kingdom

at the cost of:

1. corruption of the will.
2. a monstrous transformation.
3. the user's soul.
4. accepting a painful burden.
5. a loved one's life.
6. eternal servitude.

It's sought by:

1. a cult
2. a dying king
3. a dragon
4. a minor god
5. a general
6. a monster

using:

1. spies and assassins
2. mercenaries
3. monstrous servants
4. amoral adventurers
5. diplomats and agents
6. oracles and seers

for:

1. a war of conquest
2. a token of love
3. payment of a vast debt
4. a gift to impress a superior
5. the sake of denying it to an enemy
6. sheer greed

but secretly:

1. it's a powerless replica.
2. it has the opposite effect.
3. someone unexpected pays the cost.
4. it destroys the value of its gift, monkey's paw-style.
5. it has a second, hidden effect.
6. it fulfils its purpose in an unexpected way.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of travelling carnivals

Life in a small fantasy town is pretty dull when you're not being menaced by monsters. Harvest the turnips, tend the sheep, laugh at Old Hob getting drunk and falling off a stump... but when the travelling carnival comes to town, there's some relief from all that.

The carnival offers spectacle and regrettable snacks, but peer behind the tent flaps and there's also intrigue, danger, mysticism and adventure to be found. (By PCs, that is. Those turnips won't wait.)

The first thing you notice is (1d6):

1. colourful silk bunting.
2. a tall tent.
3. whimsical music.
4. strolling performers.
5. big animals.
6. garish pasteboard signs.

Wandering the grounds you might bump into a:

1. clown performing pratfalls.
2. stilt walker.
3. juggler tossing pins.
4. fire eater blowing fireballs above his head.
5. barker calling customers to an attraction.
6. roustabout carrying armloads of equipment.

On the stage you could see:

1. acrobats.
2. knife throwers.
3. sharpshooters.
4. strongmen.
5. a stage magician.
6. dancers in risqué costumes. 

You could pay to ride:

1. a mechanical bull operated with pulleys and cranks.
2. ponies.
3. camels or other exotic animals.
4. well-fed (but muzzled) monstrous creatures.
5. a horse cart with seats that go up and down as the wheels turn.
6. a wooden ferris wheel powered by a donkey.

If you're hungry, there are:

1. honeyed apples.
2. sausages.
3. spiced buns.
4. salted pease with pepper and vinegar.
5. fried pickles.
6. dried fruit and nuts.

This carnival's pride is its:

1. menagerie.
2. calliope.
3. retired adventurer who tells the tale of his greatest venture with help from actors in monster costumes.
4. alchemical fireworks.
5. trapeze artists.
6. dwarven-made mechanical dragon.

Prepare to get cheated at a contest of:

1. arm-wrestling.
2. pitching axes.
3. target-shooting.
4. ducking a fool.
5. ring-tossing.
6. jousting with padded lances on wobbly carts.

inside this tent is a:

1. fortune teller.
2. freak show starring exotic humanoids pretending to be savage.
3. magical item rare enough to impress the yokels.
4. wizard's apprentice earning money for their studies.
5. burlesque performance.
6. medicine show.

The carnival's misfortune is:

1. a crowd-pulling act that quit recently
2. an apprentice that died in a training accident
3. a big booking that fell through
4. a new law that restricts travelling entertainments
5. illness among the draft animals
6. a debt they can't pay

and their secret is:

1. the ringmaster and other managers are doppelgangers.
2. one of the trapeze artists is the runaway child of nobility.
3. they're spies.
4. their monstrous humanoids are polymorphed people they kidnapped along the way.
5. they're revolutionaries against a tyrannical authority.
6. they're retired adventurers, but a good enough score might tempt them to take up arms and race the PCs to the prize.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of festivals

You're approaching a town and you can hear music and laughter coming from around the bend. You've had the good luck of stumbling onto a local festival in progress.

Your pockets are jingling with coins - or else maybe you're broke and need to check the notice board for tavern keepers who want someone to kill the rats in their cellar. Either way, everyone's having a good time so you may as well join in.

It's a (1d6):

1. harvest festival.
2. commemoration of a famous historical event.
3. religious holiday.
4. trade fair.
5. guild day.
6. seasonal celebration.

You can smell the:

1. pork pies
2. sausages
3. pastries
4. raisin buns
5. candied fruits
6. peaches in sweet syrup

and there's flowing:

1. beer.
2. mulled ale.
3. black stout.
4. wine.
5. cider.
6. applejack.

The crowd are being entertained by:

1. wandering stilt-walkers
2. capering clowns
3. jugglers
4. performing minstrels
5. story-tellers
6. tumblers
   

and:

1. a game of ring-toss.
2. a wife-carrying race.
3. wrestling.
4. bobbing for apples.
5. a gurning contest (pulling grotesque faces).
6. a slippery pole race.

Beyond that is a stage where:

1. the mayor or headman is giving a speech
2. a priest is offering a blessing for all present
3. a history is being recited
4. a traditional song is being sung
5. children are reciting a teaching poem
6. an ancestral hero's armour and weapons are on display

but afterwards:

1. contest winners will be announced.
2. play actors will put on a performance.
3. a band will set up.
4. an effigy will be burned on a bonfire.
5. there will be dancing.
6. there's a scavenger hunt.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The Why of Armed Companies

Wander a fantasy landscape long enough and you're bound to come across an armed force on their way to or from inflicting violence. They may be a scrappy but brave force of irregulars defending their homeland. They may be raiders and slavers out to enrich themselves. They may be hideous monsters who want sacrifices for their dark gods.

The only thing all armies have in common is that they're probably not at all nervous about bumping into the PCs.

This company of soldiers is formed of:

1. a single folk, common in this area
2. several races, all local
3. a range of folks, including some flyers and some that don't speak Common
4. a mix of uncommon races from far countries
5. creatures unrecognised by locals
6. monstrous races and magical constructs

For the purpose of:

1. waging war.
2. patrolling a contested border.
3. suppressing a rebellious population.
4. suppressing banditry and putting down hostile monsters.
5. raiding neighbouring settlements and capturing slaves.
6. confiscating civilian property.

They're:

1. a ragtag militia
2. green recruits
3. experienced troops
4. veteran fighters
5. an elite force
6. trained to fight exotic threats like monsters or magic

And their equipment:

1. is a hasty assemblage of shoddy and mismatched armour and weapons.
2. is cheap and poor quality.
3. is serviceable and well-maintained.
4. is good quality and carefully looked after.
5. is expensively decorated with gems and company badges, and includes magic items.
6. includes esoteric weapons and defences for fighting unconventional enemies.

They're here because:

1. they're marching to battle.
2. they're making an orderly retreat.
3. they're returning from battle laden with loot and prisoners.
4. they mutinied against joining a hopeless battle.
5. they're pursuing a fleeing enemy.
6. they deserted to form a mercenary company.

They want:

1. good foraging opportunities
2. a guide to show them a shortcut
3. advance knowledge of the settlements they'll pass through
4. to conscript new recruits
5. to recruit spies
6. a hot meal and somewhere safe to rest

But they don't want:

1. witnesses to report on their travels.
2. to stop for civilian problems.
3. their supply train to lag behind.
4. to split into smaller bands.
5. dissent in the ranks.
6. to offend the local religion.

Their main problem is:

1. shortage of supplies
2. delay caused by weather
3. navigating unfamiliar terrain
4. misguided orders that place them in unnecessary danger
5. their planned route is cut off
6. intelligence on the enemy is completely wrong

and their hidden problem is:

1. disease spreading in the ranks.
2. a spy among the officers.
3. a host of enraged undead following them.
4. their leader is cursed.
5. they've made an enemy of a powerful third party.
6. they died in battle and they don't know it.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

20 Unusual potions

Getcha potions right here! Want to be thinner? Want to be stout? Want to grow hair back? Want to cure gout? Potions potions potions! I wrestled this potion off my great-grandmother. Ninety years old and she gave me a shiner that took a week to fade. This potion is how she preserved her right hook for fifty years!

Except where otherwise stated, potion effects last for 8 -  CON bonus hours.

1. Ocular vitrification tincture

This potion causes one of the user's eyes to become glassy and pop out of its socket. The owner can still see through it, no matter how far away it is. The eye will reconnect normally as long as it's back in its socket before the potion wears off. If it's not, it reverts to flesh wherever it happens to be.

2. Glossolalia dose

Anyone who drinks this potion speaks and understands a language known only to other drinkers.

3. Osteoactive jelly essence

Softens the drinker's bones. The user can't stand, but can coil around things like a constrictor snake. Or squeeze through small openings. If the opening is narrower than the drinker's head, it compresses their brain. This causes them to experience strange sights, sounds and emotions. If the opening is significantly narrower than the drinker's head, it causes damage. Make an attack with the difference in inches as a bonus and D4 damage.

4. Orchardic promoter mix 

Pour a dose on soil and it instantly grows a random fruit tree to full height and blooms with fruit. Picking the last fruit causes the tree to wither to nothing.

5. Avian transmogrification elixir

Transforms the drinker into a bird. The bird species is random, but higher HD users tend to produce birds of prey. The same elixir transforms actual birds permanently into voles.

6. Robust integument formula

Halves bludgeoning damage. Also causes the drinker to boom like a drum when struck.

7. Essentia lunula

Causes the drinker's finger- and toe-nails to harden and flatten. Afterwards they flake off like tiny knives. They can be a vicious weapon if embedded in something.

8. Cynosural enhancement draught

Gives the drinker an absolute sense of where the compass points lie.

9. Indenomitive juice

The drinker can no longer say their own name or speak a sentence that directly refers to the self.

10. Nonpareil regurgitative tonic

The drinker vomits up a precious stone. This causes considerable intestinal distress for 10 - level minutes. Until vomiting the stone, the character is at -2 to all rolls. Once uncorked, the potion sours in minutes. Drinking it after a delay causes the same sickness, but no gem.

11. Draconasal augmentation solution

Allows the drinker to smell precious metals up to three rooms away.

12. Potion of improved visibility

The drinker becomes a light source. Halfling-size or smaller produce as much light as a torch. Larger creatures produce as much as a lantern.

13. Seismic mirth tincture

Causes the drinker to laugh with a force that shakes the ground and deafens bystanders.

14. Dreischer dose

Causes the drinker's voice and mannerisms to become increasingly annoying over time.

15. Mellification formula

Causes the drinker to sweat honey. The kind of honey depends on the kinds of plants in their diet. Triggers an encounter roll if the table has creatures attracted to honey.

16. Crimson aurochs potion

Tastes foul, but allows tired people to function without penalties. Also causes scattered feathers to sprout.

17. Caustic lachrymose tonic

Makes the drinker's eyes water. The tears will rust metal instantly. Blurs vision while in effect. Lasts HD x minutes.

18. Insulating tincture

Causes the drinker to grow a thick, warm pelt. Lasts 2 hours per dose. After that, the drinker sheds all the hair over a period of ten minutes. While in effect, drinker cannot form recognisable words.

19. Essentia fructus scientiae

Causes the drinker to temporarily grow roots and branches. Clusters of berries (up to 4d6 total) grow from the branches. Anyone eating a berry will gain one of the drinker's skills (drinker's choice) for the length of a watch. A second dose will cause the drinker to be stuck in plant form.

20. Multiplication solution

Causes the drinker to split into 5 x HD miniature copies. Each is about as smart as a bright rat. Their instinct is to scatter and rejoin at the place the drinker was thinking of when taking the potion. When they assemble, the potion wears off and they're drawn back together.

D6 wizardly wagons

Image sourced from Rawpixel.com

Six magical vehicles for busy wizards.

When I think of a wizard, I think of someone who would spend ten years of his life researching a way to magically move to a spot only half an hour away on foot.

1. Flying boat

The flying boat is a normal three-mast sailing ship. Instead of using sails, its booms and rigging are perches for thousands of folded paper birds. They keep it aloft by flapping in unison. It travels at the speed of an unladen European swallow, about 20 mph. It has no landing gear. When setting down it sits on its keel and lists to the side. Sometimes to a dangerous degree.

2. Elephant golem

This is a wooden elephant, three times life size. Its flanks have hatches that give access to a hollow interior with shelves and cargo nets. The driver sits on the elephant's head and operates its trunk as a crane to lift bales in and out of the interior.

The golem is smart enough to pick the most level route to a destination. It's also capable of defending itself with feet, trunk and iron-tipped tusks. It can run, but the jarring damages its frame and its more delicate goods.

3. Walking mansion

A large mansion with four wings and a central annex. The wings flex like legs, stepping like a spider and carrying the annex like a body. The wings are empty of furniture, but still hold their fittings. Those are twisted and smashed from the flexing of the building's 'legs'.

The mansion's steps are equally hard on the ground it passes over. With no foundation to bear its weight, its 'feet' sink into the soft earth and yank out giant clods of it when they lift.

4. Balloon tower

This three-level tower was crudely cut free from a larger structure. It's suspended below a large canvas balloon. Inside that are fire and air elementals performing a solemn dance together. 

The tower's contents (including a full-sized alchemy bench) are secured to the walls with nets. The bench is covered with pages written by the builder. He realised too late that he hadn't given any though to coming down once he was up. Some of the scribbled notes read COLLECT RAIN WATER FOR BALLAST? UNPICK STITCHING? JUMP WHILE OVER WATER?

5. Serpent wagon

 A covered wagon that glides along supported on the head of a giant snake. The sinuous movement covers land and water equally well. It makes any so-inclined passengers thoroughly motion sick.

There's a strong reptilian smell that makes cattle and horses nervous and jumpy.

6. Completely normal horse cart

...is what it looks like, but the horse has no reins. Tell it where to take you, and it does.

It doesn't talk and it certainly doesn't offer to share the layout of a nearby wizard's tower with adventurers in exchange for a cut of the loot am I clear, Dobber?

The Why of Ghosts

Is no-one making horror movies about ghosts at the moment? We've had a glut of vampires, zombies and demonic nuns, but I can't remember the last time I watched a good ghost movie. Or a bad one for that matter.

This ghost appears as (1d6):

1. A soldier
2. A bride
3. A child
4. An old woman
   
5. A knight
6. A hooded figure
   

It haunts (1d6):

1. A family home 
2. A castle or stronghold
3. A manor house
4. A market
5. A crossroads
6. A bridge

It died of (1d6):

1. War
2. Disease
3. Murder
4. An accident
5. A curse
6. Neglect
   

A sign of its presence is (1d6):

1. An eerie cold
2. Animals show fear
3. All present feel the same intense emotion
4. Insects and all manner of vermin appear
5. Blood or water dripping
6. Faint sounds of conflict
   

It has the power to (1d6):

1. Hurl objects
2.  Snuff out light sources
3. Steal warmth
4. Curse items to break
5. Start fires
6. Walk through walls
   

And also the power to (1d6):

1. Confuse the mind 
2. Appear as a living being
3. Make friends appear to be enemies
4. Possess people
5. Read minds
6. make people see their fears
   

Its unfinished business is (1d6):

1. Revenge
2. A message to a loved one
3. An unfulfilled promise
4. Atonement for a crime
5. Guarding something that was important in life
6. Proper funeral rites
   

The Infamous Blackie Powells

Blackie Powells is a pirate who committed a series of daring but inexplicable crimes. He kidnapped a theatre troupe. He burned a logging camp. He smashed a dam. He was the puzzle and the laughing stock of the kingdom until his master plan came together and he made off with a good portion of the royal treasury.

"He kidnapped the actors so he could dress his men in their town guard costumes... he burned out the loggers so the river would be choked with logs and the ferry couldn't operate.. he smashed the dam to lower the water level and expose the old ford. It's genius!"

That was a generation ago. Blackie's reputation has grown and grown because since that time, people have been blaming their failures on him. No, I didn't fall asleep and let the flock wander off -- Blackie took them! Of course I made all the pots you ordered -- but I watched Blackie himself throw them all down the well! Blackie held me at knifepoint just to let the loaves overcook!

What crime did Blackie commit here (2d12)?

1. Stole
2. Burned
3. Seduced
4. Painted
5. Undermined
6. Disguised
7. Forged
8. Pickpocketed
9. Delayed
10. Framed
11. Drugged
12. Rebuilt

1. A noble's daughter
2. A herd of cows
3. A farmer's cart
4. A blacksmith
5. A barn
6. A boat
7. A fisherman's wife
8. A stone keep
9. A town guard
10. A flock of crows
11. A cabinet
12. A stables

In order to (2d12):

1. Hide
2. Impersonate
3. Replace
4. Steal
5. Destroy
6. Surprise
7. Rob
8. Trick
9. Abduct
10. Antagonise
11. Redirect
12. Corrupt

1. A magistrate
2. A guard troop
3. A wealthy merchant
4. A baker's wife
5. A trade guild
6. A church
7. The baron's children
8. A widow
9. A bardic trio
10. A hunting party
11. A tax collector
12. A royal herald

The truth, if the characters manage to discover it, is a bit different. Blackie Powells retired and lived a quiet life after his big heist. Now he's an old man in a house too big for him, being gently bullied by his three adult daughters. They won't let him have strong drink, or red meat or salty cheese! They want him to drink spring water and eat leafy greens and walk outside in the sunshine for an hour every day! In fact, if the characters can help with his scheme to get away from them, he'll give them a share of the remaining gold. He just needs them to commit a small list of inexplicable minor crimes...

The Why of You

You're a(n)...

1. Strong-limbed champion
2. Agile sneak
3. Delver into mysteries
4. Compassionate believer
5. Keen-eyed nature lover
6. Skilled crafter

Raised by...

1. Loving parents
2. Disinterested relatives
3. A cruel master
4. A troupe of travellers
5. Despised outsiders
6. Yourself, mostly

Who suffered...

1. Poverty
2. Illness
3. Oppression
4. A natural disaster
5. A personal betrayal
6. Singing out of key

Which caused...

1. The loss of loved one(s)
2. Shame and banishment
3. A sudden reduction in circumstances
4. Back-breaking labour
5. Madness
6. A loss of personal confidence

And led you to...

1. Take revenge
2. Turn your back on your people
3. Commit crimes
4. Throw yourself into your studies
5. Search for a personal truth to live by
6. Rely on yourself alone

Which caused...

1. The community to change its ways
2. Your loved ones to change how they feel about you
3. Sudden attention on you from an unexpected source
4. Condemnation
5. Praise
6. An unexpected self-discovery

And now you...

1. Protect the weak
2. Work only for your own benefit
3. Live as a rootless wanderer
4. Fight evil
5. Minister to others
6. Follow a cause

Because...

1. You're reminded of yourself.
2. You believe in something more.
3. It satisfies a need you don't understand.
4. You want to achieve something great.
5. You need to repay a debt.
6. It's the best way to live!

The Why of Ships

It's sometimes important to know about passing ships. In a coastal village, sails on the horizon could mean raiders, or vital supplies arriving. Sometimes your characters need passage, no questions asked. Sometimes they need an unreasonable amount of flammable oil in a hurry, for perfectly legal activities. Sometimes, heh, it's a funny story, but they're stuck without a ship of their own because they set the vessel and its crew on fire completely by accident and there's no-one left to say otherwise.

That ship on the horizon is:

1. A fishing boat 
2. A freighter carrying goods to market 
3. A smuggler 
4. A military patrol vessel 
5. A pirate 
6. A fast courier 

Its distinctive feature is:

1. An elaborate figurehead
2. Coloured sails
3. An unusual flag
4. A motto emblazoned on the hull
5. An unusual crew makeup
6. A strange passenger
   

The captain is:

1. A drunk 
2. A scoundrel 
3. A strict disciplinarian 
4. Deeply religious 
5. Deeply morose 
6. A lunatic 

Their misfortune is:

1. Damaged 
2. Low supplies 
3. Disease on board 
4. Blown off course 
5. Short-handed after a failed mutiny 
6. Short-handed after a successful mutiny 

The closest ports are:

1. Allies 
2. Enemies 
3. Neutral 
4. Closed to them 
5. Open but may confiscate their goods 
6. Under the influence of a rival

They know:

1. The location of a nearby island with timber, game and fresh water
2. Passwords to make military ships ignore them
3. The location of a cache of supplies, guns and money
4. A colonial governor's humiliating secret
5. A safe route through an archipelago dotted with dangerous reefs
6. Market prices across all ports within a week's travel

Starting situation generator

Tables for instantly generating the bones of a simple adventure. 

Sometimes you want to start with the action and figure out the why of things later. Especially if it's a pick-up game with little or no prep time, you want to play now, plan later. 

With the tables below, you can throw down a set of polyhedral dice and instantly have enough background info to start in media res.

The party is (D4):

1. fighting with
2. negotiating with
3. hiding from
4. chasing

a group of (D6):

1. guards
2. mercenaries
3. zealots
   
4. intelligent monsters
5. unintelligent monsters
   
6. beasts

in a (D8):

1. city street
   
2. dungeon 
3. wilderness
4. crypt
5. temple
6. mansion
7. ship
8. tower
   

because (D10):

1. something has been stolen
2. someone has been taken
3. an offence must be punished
4. a plague must be cured
5. a curse must be broken
6. a bounty is on offer
7. a sentence must be commuted
8. a prophecy has been spoken
9. an oath has been sworn
10. a debt is owed
    

 and if they fail (D12):

1. a debt will default.
2. they will be cursed.
3. they will be outlawed.
4. a bounty will be placed on them.
   
5. an ally/family member will be harmed.
   
6. an allied faction will be weakened.
7. a crime will go unpunished.
8. a regime will fall.
9. a war will begin.
10. their home will be destroyed.
11. an opportunity will be lost.
12. an enemy will be empowered.

The theme for this adventure is (D20):

1. betrayal.
2. the generosity of honourable enemies.
3. competition with another party of adventurers.
4. a generation-spanning grudge.
5. insidious, creeping evil.
6. a race against time.
7. conspirators in every shadow.
8. revenge.
9. defending the weak.
10. reclaiming a heritage.
11. exploration.
12. impending disaster.
13. righteous vs despotic monarchs.
14. revealing treachery.
15. the gods are angry.
16. babysitting.
17. keeping up an act.
18. acting with stealth.
19. allies in unlikely places.
20. forbidden knowledge.

 

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

D6 delving-adjacent complications

A D6 table of ways an adventuring party can be victims of their own success.

You delved the dungeon. You lived. Now you're on your way back to town with the loot. Neat. Clean. Simple. Except... when has an adventurer's life ever been that easy?

1. Muggers
   Think you were discreet? A party of battle-hardened adventurers rode into town and bought up food, torches, oil, and pack animals. They hired on a group of helpers who look like they can run fast, for 'sundry duties to be clarified as and when needed'. Smells like someone's planning to make some quick money.
   
   Of course, since they are battle-hardened, it makes sense to let them go about their business and stake out the road they take out of town. When they return, exhausted and bleeding, a gang of bandits strikes.
   
   
2. Claim-jumpers
   Everyone knows the corridors of the tomb complex up on the hill are littered with gold coins... and guarded by vicious undead. It's gruel and cheap beer again this week, but that's better than being something else's meal.
   
   But if someone else takes the risk and staggers away for a long rest before returning to finish the lower levels, a clever and careful person sends for the closest neighbours and lets them know there's an opportunity. They grab packs and hurry up the hill to step over the smoking skeletons and ransack the cleared levels.
   
   
3. Price gougers
   As soon as you were spotted returning on the road, the richest merchant in town bought up everything you could possibly need. Of course he's willing to sell it to you... at ten times the original price. He has a squad of mercenaries protecting his stores. You could try taking them, but it wouldn't be easy and then you'd be law breakers.
   
   
4. Lawsuits
   It turns out the family that originally built that tomb on the hill still has scions in the kingdom. Diminished, impoverished, but still inheritors of the family name and crypt. They never had the guts to step inside or the money to pay for someone to clear it out, but fate just handed them an opportunity. You robbed their ancestors and now they're practically salivating at the chance to sue you for the return of that loot.
   
   
5. Terrain
   Paintings, statues, antiques, golden idols. They're as good as money, but only if you can get them home. Can you carry them out of the forest? Will the cart's axle support the weight? Is the road passable to a fully laden cart, or will you bog down in every wheel rut? What if the weather changes and the road turns to mud? What if you have to go cross-country to avoid bandits?
   
   
6. Suspicion
   You chose a platinum crown studded with gemstones as part of your share. Now it's gone and the wizard's pack looks a little heavier. Did you face all this danger to let one of your own companions rob you when you let your guard down?
   

The OSR is...

Ask ten people what the OSR is and you're likely to get 10 + 1d6 opinions for your trouble. So why ask? You can get those opinions and many more by rolling on the table below!

The OSR is made up of...
1. Old-school grognards
2. Wild-eyed rules hackers
3. Posing art-wonks
4. Fun-hating pedants
5. Mouldering grey-beards
6. Chattering children

playing...
1. Gary Gygax's Chainmail rules
2. un-houseruled OD&D
3. a heartbreaker ruleset from a particular weekend in 1970, preserved like a fly in amber
4. something new-school with an art style somewhere between psychedelic and heiroglyphic
5. an original ruleset that everyone agrees 'just feels' OSR (by which they mean their characters get killed a lot)
6. a Frankenstein's monster of rules that don't fit with each other, pulled from half a dozen of their favourite OSR titles

with...
1. Jeff Rients, passed out in a beanbag surrounded by copies of his carousing rules, occasionally mumbling "level fiddy, mudderfuckers"
2. SWORD DREAM tinkerers who want to replace all their stats with usage dice
3. six pear-shaped guys with real metal swords they forged from beer cans HEY WATCH WHERE YOU'RE SWINGING THAT
4. a couple who brought their teenagers because they can't be trusted at home alone
5. Dave Arneson's actual corpse
6. eight college students who still think this is 5E

and are 'led' by...

1. an elite group who've played in con games GMed by Gary G and have photographic evidence

2. a cabal of self-publishers who cracked the code for selling platinum on DrivethruRPG

3. a demented group who argue that Cops 'n' Robbers is the original RPG, but only if you didn't let girls play

4. scruffy basement-dwelling contrarians who just want to be in opposition to everyone

5. purists who don't play any game available in PDF or POD

6. nostalga-junkies who remember the 70s as a better time

but actually led by...

1. Rosicrucians

2. Freemasons

3. the Kickstarter board of directors

4. a rogue CIA cell locked in proxy combat with a rogue KGB cell since 1990

5. a millennial cult sifting the errors from millions of furiously typed forum comments for prophecy

6. Arnold K from a hidden base in the caldera of an active volcano commanding an army of crowdfunded drones armed with scalpels

with the goal of...

1. destroying storygames forever.

2. inoculating the next generation against social media-triggered political madness.
3. making a quick buck the hardest way.

4. assembling a critical mass of brain matter conditioned to simulate fantasy worlds. The harvest begins next year.

5. winning a bet.

6. sorry, only the even secret-er cabal knows that.

 

 

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The Tooth Merchant

A wandering merchant who sells, buys, fits and polishes teeth of unusual provenance. This is an idea I originally proposed for a zine. It wasn't used, so now I can flesh it out for myself.

The merchant is an always-smiling man of indeterminate race.  He could be human, but his mouth is much too wide and contains far too many teeth. One of them plays music. 

He's most likely to be found at fae bazaars and goblin markets, but occasionally makes his way to regular markets that aren't policed too zealously. Not that he's dishonest, oh no. He just doesn't like getting too much... official attention. He will attempt to charmingly deflect questions about his background and where these teeth come from.

AC 9 [10], HD 6 (21hp), Att 2 × staff (1d4) or teeth (see specials), THAC0 17, MV 60’ (20’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F6), ML 9, AL Neutral, XP 1400, NA 1 (1), TT T

Specials:
The tooth merchant always has smiling teeth, lying teeth, eloquent teeth, snake teeth and shark teeth fitted in his own mouth.

The table below is the catalogue of teeth he generally carries on him. (Special orders by arrangement.) If purchased, they can be painlessly and efficiently fitted in the back of the tent and there's only a 2-in-6 chance that you buy one thing and he fits another (roll 1d20 to see what).

1. Smiling teeth
How can you have a bad day when you're smiling all the time? Gives the wearer an extra save vs mood-altering effects, including fear but not Charm spells.

2. Snarling teeth
These teeth utter convincing threats. +1 CHA to attempts at intimidating.

3. Lying teeth
+1 CHA while telling a lie. However, if anyone asks a question you weren't prepared for, save vs devices to tell the truth. On failure, you're compelled to lie.

4. Honest teeth
You eat lies. If you know someone is lying, make a chewing motion and roll CHA vs CHA. On a win the lie is no longer convincing and you gain the benefit of a ration.

5. Eloquent teeth
+1 CHA when speaking about a learned subject such as art, history, religion, politics, etc.

6. Whistling teeth
You can whistle as musically as playing an instrument, or loud enough to be heard miles away.

7. Lucky teeth
Each time you eat, roll 1d20. On 1 - 14 it's a normal meal. On 15 - 17 it contains a low-denomination coin. On 18 - 19, a high-denomination coin. On 20 a gem.

8. Rat teeth
You can gnaw through cloth, leather, rope and (given time) wood.

9. Snake teeth
Level times per day, on a successful attack you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon. Biting does 1d4 damage and inflicts the poisoned condition. Save vs death to resist.

10. Wolf teeth
On a successful attack, you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon. Biting automatically does 1d6 damage per round until the target makes a successful STR vs STR roll to break free or until you release them. During that time, neither of you can take other actions.

11. Shark teeth
On a successful attack, you can choose to bite instead of using a weapon, doing 1d6 damage. A shark-bitten opponent can no longer use their main weapon and gains the bleeding condition until bandaged.

12. Sabre-teeth
Make you look like a total bad-ass. Once per combat you can roar. Anyone on the battlefield who didn't know you can do that is surprised and drops to the bottom of the initiative order until the fight is over.

13. Goat teeth
Eat a fist-sized amount of anything organic to gain the benefit of a ration. Horrify your teammates.

14. Warthog tusks
Gain a 1d8 gore attack that can be used against opponents in an adjacent square. And a speech impediment.

15. Troll teeth
Regenerate any (non-fire) damage to your teeth or mouth overnight. Curses you with swamp breath.

16. Giant teeth
More like a full set of teeth carved from one giant tooth. Gives you the ability to bellow like a giant. Be heard, anywhere.

17. Vampire teeth
Who needs rations when you have enemies? Bite a restrained or helpless victim on the neck. If you can stay latched on for 1d4 rounds, do 1d4 hp damage and gain the benefit of a ration. Works on anything that has human-digestible blood.

18. Werewolf teeth
As per wolf teeth. Werewolf teeth look like normal human teeth until your bloodlust is aroused, or under the light of a full moon. While your teeth are active, you gain no benefit from eating normal rations. The only rations that work for you are the flesh of an intelligent creature.

19. Salamander teeth
Gain the benefit of a ration by eating the campfire flames. Eating the fire puts it out and the remaining fuel cannot be re-lit. Larger fires will give you indigestion from over-eating, but won't go out.

20. Dragon teeth
Taste the air to see if there are uncovered riches nearby. Lick treasure to see if it's genuine. The downside is that all food tastes like ashes and dirt unless served up on a plate of precious metal.

The why of villages

According to British crime dramas, you're 900% more likely to be murdered in a sleepy little countryside village than anywhere else in England. But when you've been on the road for weeks and supplies are running low, they can be a godsend.

So what makes this village tick? What do they do all day, what's their background, what are they secretly ashamed or proud of? Will they sell you supplies and wish you a safe journey, or will someone knife you in your sleep as a potential threat to her victory in this year's rhubarb pie baking contest?

The main source of income is:

1. Farming
2. Fishing
3. Mining
4. Hospitality for travellers on a nearby trade road
5. Craft - smithing, cooping, wagon-building, etc.
6. Forestry

An important nearby resource is:

1. A forest where game can be hunted
2. A bridge or ford
3. A marsh where bog-iron can be collected
4. A clay pit
5. A bat cave where guano can be harvested
6. A medicinal/culinary herb that grows wild

They offer adventurers (roll 3 times):

1. A blacksmith
2. Horses for sale
3. Dried food, lamp oil, rope, arrows
4. Healing
5. Cleric services
6. Guides

They are led by:

1. A minor noble family
2. A council of business leaders
3. An elected mayor
4. A clan chief
5. A governor assigned by the kingdom
6. An informal group of village elders

Who is/are 'advised' by:

1. A wealthy family stripped of a noble title generations ago
2. A secret council of 'concerned' citizens
3. A bandit clan with a nearby secret camp
4. A coven of witches
5. A whispering presence
6. A spy for the ruler

The citizens are:

1. A single race
2. Two or more races living together
3. Several races and immigrants
4. Mixed and include a small population of highly unusual creatures 
5. Mixed and include many exotic creatures
6. Mostly exotic creatures

An unusual feature is:

1. A ghost in the ruler's chambers
2. A fairy market every full moon
3. A law against killing cats
4. An inn built into an old ruin
5. A barred and shuttered building no-one is permitted to enter
6. An unusual town official - witch finder, sword examiner, nose-measurer, plague doctor, etc.

A nearby threat is:

1. The beast in the woods
2. The goblin camp
3. A border war
4. An ancient curse
5. A growing cult
6. A feud between two influential families

They don't talk about:

1. The leper colony their grandparents' generation burned down
2. The smuggling tunnels under the oldest houses and what they're used for today
3. The deal they made with an evil sorcerer during a hard winter
4. The massacre that happened decades ago
5. The unusual religion they practise
6. The reason for the sunset curfew

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

Fantasy X-Men

In a previous post I mentioned an idea about ordinary characters having minor superpowers because they're polymorphed monsters and don't know it. Each character would have an ability stemming from their monster nature and a taboo that would undo the spell if they transgressed it.

The original idea was for each party member to be the only one who knew about another member's taboo, and have the responsibility for making sure they didn't break it. The monsters would effectively be each other's guards. However, I'm not that fond of games that give you knowledge your character doesn't have. Where's the fun for the player in uncovering the mystery?

So instead I think it should be handled by the GM. Players don't even need to know what sort of polymorphed creature they are. They can just be told that they always have advantage on certain skill tests, or that they have a supernatural power that works once per level per day. And supernaturally punished when they break their taboo, which they also don't know about.

I looked through the B/X Essentials monster manual for creatures that were A) living and B) intelligent and found a bigger list than I expected. Some are close enough to be cousin species, but that's an advantage if it gives a player the chance to form a completely wrong theory about what they are.

As of right now, I'm going simple and saying that breaking a taboo causes a psychic shock that does 1d6 HP damage, but it could easily be expanded into another subsystem. Maybe it damages the illusion and once you realise what you really are Wizard X unleashes the hounds of Tindalos to destroy you.

1)Bugbear
Bonus: Advantage on stealth rolls for character and anyone accompanying.
Taboo: Labour for wages.

2) Centaur
Bonus: Movement rate tripled.
Taboo: Carrying a person.

3) Djinn
Bonus: Breath weapon. Any creature of lower hit dice in a 5-space cone ahead of you is knocked prone. Equal hit dice are driven back 1 space.
Taboo: Go underground.

4) Doppelganger
Bonus: Imitate a person's voice and mannerisms perfectly. +2 bonus to disguising yourself as someone specific.
Taboo: Speak your own name.

5) Dragon
Bonus: +1 spell slot which can be cast hit dice x times per day.
Taboo: Give up a prized possession.

6) Dryad
Bonus: Advantage on woodcraft skill tests.
Taboo: Light a fire.

7) Efreet
Bonus: Instinctive understanding of fire - how to start it, how it spreads, how to contain it.
Taboo:Immerse yourself in water.

8) Gargoyle
Bonus: Wakefulness. You're immune to charm person and sleep spells and can stay awake for hit dice x days with no harmful effect.
Taboo: Sleep in a bed.

9) Giant
Bonus: Advantage on strength rolls.
Taboo: Act humble.

10) Gnoll
Bonus: Advantage on tracking rolls
Taboo: Eat before the party leader does.

11) Goblin
Bonus: Advantage on caving skill tests.
Taboo: Pay for something honestly.

12) Harpy
Bonus: Cast Charm Person hit dice x daily.
Taboo: Let a personal offence go unpunished.

13) Hobgoblin
Bonus: Advantage on stealth rolls for character and anyone accompanying.
Taboo: Enter combat without backup.

14) Invisible stalker
Bonus: Automatically surprise on your first attack in any combat.
Taboo: Alert someone to your presence.

15) Kobold
Bonus: +2 AC without armour, advantage on rolls to dodge.
Taboo: Attack an opponent from the front.

16) Lizardman
Bonus: You can slow your metabolism at will, entering a meditation-like state you can dismiss instantly. You need no food or water in this state.
Taboo: Kill a snake.
 
17) Lycanthrope
Bonus: Improved senses, especially smell. You can only be surprised on 1-in-6.
Taboo: Handle silver.

18) Manticore
Bonus: Poison bite. Hit dice x times per day. Victims must save or die.
Taboo: Speak words of comfort.

19) Medusa
Bonus: Cast Sleep on one target hit dice x times per day, by making eye contact.
Taboo: Look into your own reflected eyes.

20) Merman
Bonus: Advantage on swimming tests, hold breath for 2 + hit dice x minutes.
Taboo: Taste brine.

21) Minotaur
Bonus: You can handle weapons as if you were a larger creature - eg. weild a two-handed sword one-handed.
Taboo: Handle ceramics.

22) Nixie
Bonus: Cast Charm on up to hit dice x animals, once per day.
Taboo: Kill an animal.

23) Ogre
Bonus: Advantage on strength rolls.
Taboo: Share food.

24) Orc
Bonus: Advantage on caving skill tests.
Taboo: Enter combat without backup.

25) Pixie
Bonus: A successful save vs petrification nullifies all fall damage, otherwise fall damage is reduced by half.
Taboo: Harm a winged creature.

26) Salamander
Bonus: A successful save vs breath nullifies all heat or cold damage (choose which at character creation), otherwise damage is reduced by half.
Taboo: Use your opposing force as a tool or weapon.

27) Sprite
Bonus: Cast a minor curse up to hit dice x times per day. The curse target will suffer a clumsy accident, have a tool break, or some other distracting inconvenience.
Taboo: Speak a compliment.

28) Treant
Bonus: Up to hit dice x times per day a tree will find a way to help you - drop a branch in the right place, bear fruit out of season, etc.
Taboo: Cut wood.

29) Troglodyte
Bonus: Advantage on climbing tests.
Taboo: Sleep under open sky.

30) Troll
Bonus: When you roll for healing, use the rolled value or your number of hit dice, whichever is better.
Taboo: Handle open flame.

The why of roads

If you come across a road that's not marked on your map, all you really know about it is that leads to, or from, some place that people wanted to be.

This road leads to:

1. A city
2. The coast
3. A market town
4. A keep
5. A ruin
6. A demihuman community

It's a:

1. Paved military road
2. Graveled trade road
3. Muddy parallel wheel ruts left by farm carts
4. Trampled grassy track cleared of trees
5. Forgotten and badly-maintained highway
6. Raised wooden boards above marshland

It passes:

1. Through the foothills of a mountain range, winding between the peaks
2. Along the bank of a fast and wide river
3. Across bare ground at the border of a desert
4. Along the edge of coastal cliffs where heavy waves break on rocks at the base down below
5. Through dense woodland where sunlight never penetrates to the forest floor
6. Through a deep valley that reduces the range of vision and hampers lookouts

A standout feature is:

1. Toll houses a day's ride apart
2. Guard posts garrisoned to hunt bandits and highwaymen
3. Robber gangs preying on traveling merchants
4. Coach inns of varying quality
5. A section cut through a dangerous forest
6. Tales of ghostly riders

 The most frequent travelers are:

1. Mail coaches crewed by tough and well-armed drivers
2. Merchants driving covered wagons full of wares for trade
3. Farmers delivering produce to nearby communities
4. Pilgrims visiting holy sites
5. Companies of soldiers relocating to new duties
6. Traveling entertainers

Travelers should watch out for:

1. Shopkeepers inflating prices for out-of-towners
2. Wild animals
3. Squads of fighters from two different factions who each claim jurisdiction over the road
4. Monsters
5. Weather that makes the road impassable
6. Slavers and military press gangs