Send in the clowns

The face of a killer?

A clown bestiary with B/X stats.

People have been talking for years about scary clowns. I always thought it was mostly in fun, but my little nephew is serious about it. I had to change my in-game skin so we could play Minecraft together, because I was dressed as a clown and he hated it.

Players wouldn't be scared though, would they? Not big tough players. I bet they could take on a whole gang of clowns and come out smiling...

Hobo

Dressed in rags or ill-fitting clothes, Hobos are tasked with gathering victims to feed the nest's Foolmother and her Clowngrubs. They're especially attracted to young children, who can be taken in by a painted smile and a bladder on a stick. Many villages have known the pain of hearing their children cry in fear and seeing a Hobo sprinting away on oversized shoes with a handful of kids stuffed into his hula-hoop trousers.

AC 7 [12], HD 4 (14hp), Att 1 × rubber chicken (1d4), squeaky hammer (1d6), claws (1d6), THAC0 16, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F4), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 125, NA 1d4 (2d4), TT S

Specials: Hobos can regurgitate swallowed human intestines to twist into balloon animals, swollen with noxious gas. They burst after 1d4 rounds or if interacted with. The gas irritates the membranes, causing coughing and watering eyes. Save vs poison or -2 to attack rolls until the fight's end.

Pierot

The white-faced Pierot wears motley, a conical hat and a mournful expression.  Don't be fooled, this clown has no mercy. Its skin is coated with slimy white mucus.  The Pierot's chief tactic is pretending to be busy with some task and paying no attention to anyone who might be nearby - then sneaking up and smearing them with its slime as soon as they're distracted.

AC 8 [11], HD 3 (11hp), Att 1 × bucket of whitewash (1d4), claws (1d6), THAC0 17, MV 80’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F3), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 75, NA 1d2 (1d6), TT R

Specials: Pierot slime absorbs into demihuman skin and paralyses the will, leaving the victim a dazed but willing slave to the Pierot's gestured commands. Save vs poison to resist.

Little dog

Pierots are often accompanied by little dogs, which function as their protectors. They're not actually canines, they have a vestigial third pair of insectoid limbs that fold flat against the body.  Agile, and vicious, the dog can dislocate its jaw at will to open its mouth wider than its head. It has multiple rows of jagged, broken teeth. It goes for the soft parts, and then for the throat.

AC 7 [12], HD 2 (7hp), Att 1 × bite (1d6), THAC0 18, MV 120’ (40’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML 8, AL Chaotic, XP 20, NA 1d3 (2d4), TT None

Rodeo

The clown nest's soldier caste, Rodeo clowns have nothing subtle or sneaky about them. They operate on instinct, which tells them to attack anyone not part of the nest. They have sticky sweat that binds a protective layer of bullpen dust to their skin. They're also armoured with oversized hats and bandanas. Rodeo clowns can be found defending approaches to the main nest.

AC 6 [13], HD 5 (18hp), Att 1 × headbutt (1d6), claws (1d6), THAC0 15, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F5), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 300, NA 1d4 (1d2), TT Q

Specials: Spits caustic chaw (2d4). 2 x daily, 15' range, save vs breath for half damage.

Foolmother

Source of the filthy clown breed, the Foolmother is a towering blob of flesh in the centre of the nest. She appears bloated and immobile, but most of that quivering mass is actually an egg sac she's embedded in. Give her reason and she'll tear free and leap at you, all sleek black biomechanical limbs topped with a bulbous head and painted smile.

AC 1 [18], HD 8 (36hp), Att 1 × bite (3d8) or claws (2d6), THAC0 12, MV 180’ (60’), SV D8 W9 P10 B10 S12 (F8), ML 9, AL Chaotic, XP 650, NA 0 (1), TT H 

Clowngrubs

The clown's immature stage. Writhing slimy grubs the length of your forearm, with sharp mandibles. They hunt by smell and when one tastes flesh it emits a pheromone that calls its fellows to join the feast.

AC 7 [12], HD 1 (4hp), Att 1 × bite (1d3), THAC0 19, MV 90’ (30’), SV D12 W13 P14 B15 S16 (F1), ML 6, AL Chaotic, XP 10, NA 0 (0d6), TT None
 

Mime

Every predator has a predator of its own. The clown's predator is the mime. These beasts exist partly in this world and partly in another. They're often hindered by obstacles that exist only on the other side of the divide and are invisible to creatures native to our plane. That weakness is a strength as well, though. The mime can step sideways past barriers that exist only on our side, appearing inside city walls and locked rooms.

Clowns are their natural prey, but they're hostile to any living thing they encounter. The unlucky or unwary die in the grip of claws that can't even be seen.

AC 8 [11], HD 6 (21hp), Att 1 × invisible sword (1d6), THAC0 14, MV 80’ (40’), SV D10 W11 P12 B13 S14 (F6), ML 10, AL Chaotic, XP 500, NA 1d3, TT R

Specials: Immune to non-magical weapons.