Magic item: Latimer's ring

A hand-sized ring that creates an illusory pathway ahead of it.

The wizard Latimer was a secretive and suspicious man. His tower had many defences you wouldn't recognise until too late. The local ferry was one of them.

The river Vonne is narrow but deep and the water flows fast. The township is on one side, the tower on the other. Latimer never said he didn't want any one to build near him. But that's how it worked out.

The ferry was owned by a local named Merrick. He or one of his children operated it. They carried strangers across the river for a silver piece each. The boat was an ordinary dinghy, with space for four passengers. There was a thick rope strung over the water. The boat was secured to it by a second rope, with a metal ring woven into the end. The first rope was threaded through the ring and kept the boat from being carried away by the current if the ferryman stopped hauling.

But if Latimer didn't want visitors, the boat would reach the centre of the river and the far bank would recede into the distance until it vanished completely.

Latimer had a deal with Merrick and provided him with the metal ring. It's the physical component of the spell. If Merrick was bringing unwelcome guests, he touched it with his left hand to prepare. As the boat reached the river's midpoint, the far shore and the tower on it retreated faster than the ferry could chase them. No amount of hauling ever brought them closer.

This is all illusion, and anyone watching would see people in the boat hauling in different directions so the boat stayed where it was.

Latimer's Ring

Usage: all characters
Charges: 1d10
Appearance: 6" wide iron ring with a band of copper inlaid on the inside circumference. Has a thick frayed rope attached.

When held in the left hand, causes an illusion of the way ahead receding into the distance. Any creatures heading in that direction are confused by the magic and turned back toward the user. They never get more than a few steps away. Any number of people can hide by stepping into the illusion, but the user remains visible.

Save vs devices negates the part of the spell that hides the way, but not the part that makes people turn back to the user.

Magic item: Crystallised fruit voices

High calorie magic

You're delving a dungeon and come across a plate of crystallised fruit, good as the day the door was sealed. Do you A) avoid it, B) loot it, or C) eat it right there and then? I think the games with a C player at the table are the most fun.

(This post was originally entirely about magic crystallised ginger, but there's always someone who will tell you that ginger's awful and they don't like it. Those players are... moderately fun, in a very specific set of conditions.)

The fruit is a treat for children. It's imbued with a whimsical magic that changes the voice. For 1d6 hours after eating, the eater can only make the noise associated with that fruit. And they can't make it quietly, it's at top volume. They can eat another piece to change the sound. The only way to get their own voice back is to wait for the spell to wear off. Save vs cavities No saves. If you put this thing in your mouth and chew it, you get what you ask for.

1. Apple - roar like a lion
   
2. Pear - chatter like a monkey
   
3. Lime - hoot like an owl
   
4. Apricot - quack like a duck
   
5. Plum - bark like a dog
   
6. Ginger - screech like an eagle
7. Peach - grunt like a pig
8. Cherry - meow like a cat
9. Mandarin segment - neigh like a horse
10. Mandarin peel - honk like a goose

Some advantages are obvious. An eagle screech can be heard miles away. A roaring lion on the other side of a closed door is intimidating. You can stop someone from communicating effectively by forcing them to eat a piece.

(I left out oranges, lemons and pineapple because a lot of us like to play this game in a faux-medieval setting. Europe wouldn't have had access to those until the last century of the medieval period. Although something like pizza has existed since prehistory and popes have eaten it since antiquity. Isn't history mad?)

Magic item: Wizard in a bottle

Photo by Brent Moore, cropped.
Released under Creative Commons license.

"Friends, have you ever delved a dungeon and had to run for you lives because you didn't have magic support? Of course you have. And have you ever taken a wizard with you, only to have him claim first pick of the loot because he helped you out of a tight spot? I thought so.

"Well worry no more! Wizard-in-a-bottle™ gives you magical backup when you need it and not when you don't! Wizard-in-a-bottle™ supplies the esoteric knowledge and good advice you rely on without eating your food or grumbling about foolish hobbits*! And Wizard-in-a-bottle™ will never lay claim to a single hard-won gold piece**!"

The bottle contains an illusory wizard with real spell slots. The illusion has weight and solidity and follows instructions, making it perfect for trap-seeking or as a meat shield. Once uncorked, it has a 1d6 usage die (roll per exploration turn) or lasts until disrupted by something that would subtract HP.  Uncorking is a full-round action.

Naturally, it's expensive.

The bottle wizard has three level 1 spells, two level 2 and a single level 3. All chosen at random from the arcane spell list. It cannot memorise new spells. It's fearless, but may dispel itself early if treated with disrespect. While in the bottle it stays fresh indefinitely, but should be used quickly. The wizard that created it loses access to the spell slots they've invested in the bottle until used. They can also reclaim them at will.

Bottle wizard

AC 9 [10], HD 5* (1 HP), Att by spell only, THAC0 14 [5], MV 120' [40'], SV No saves, ML 12, AL Neutral, XP -, NA 1 (0), TT None.

Specials: Immune to all mind-affecting magic.

* Not guaranteed.
** Also not guaranteed.

A bestiary of cheeses

The trap is the second most dangerous thing.

A bestiary of cheeses.

No, you didn't read that wrong. If you're a repeat reader, you know I treasure nonsense. Mine and other people's. It's entirely in character for me to write a bestiary of cheese-based monsters and never stop to ask myself why. 

A wizard did it. Why? Well, if I was a wizard, I would. Wouldn't you? If you're a wizard, who's going to tell you not to enchant cheese?

Emmental

A yellow, mild and nutty monster.  Recognised by its holed and pockmarked surface.

AC 9 [10], HD 3* (14 HP) Att 1 x touch (see specials), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 65, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Swiss me - holes make it more powerful. For every 4 HP Emmental loses to melee weapons, its to-hit bonus increases by 1.
Swiss you - if an Emmental touches a character, the character develops holes. 1d3 damage per round. Save vs paralysis negates.

Bleu

A sharp and salty muscular creature shot through with blue veins. Its smell is strong too. Even when using stealth, its smell gives it away.

AC 9 [10], HD 4 (18 HP) Att 1 x slam (1d10), THAC0 15 [4], MV 120' (40"), SV 10 11 12 13 14 (F4), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 75, NA 1 (1d4), TT U

Mozzarella

A mild, white and stretchy monster.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x wedge (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 3 (2d6), TT U

Specials: Bloop - Mozzarella is immune to impact weapons like clubs and maces.

Cheddar 

A sharp-tasting off-white beast. Cheddars become sharper throughout their life-cycle. Found commonly.

AC 9 [10], HD 1 (4 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 18 [1], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F1), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 10, NA 8 (3d8), TT U

Aged Cheddar

A sharper and slightly crumbly version of a regular Cheddar. Not many Cheddars make it to this age. They're too tasty.

AC 9 [10], HD 3 (14 HP) Att 1 x spikes (1d6), THAC0 16 [3], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F3), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 35, NA 3 (2d4), TT U

Brie

A pale, soft monster with a waxy skin.  A Brie is liquid enough to squeeze through cracks and spaces the characters can't use.

AC 9 [10], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x fondue fork (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Spread - on 4-in-6 a Brie can enter a blocked or barricaded space by oozing under doors or between loose-fitting stones.

Halloumi

A squeaky creature with a cracked and burned exterior. The stiff charred layers give it some extra armour and make it smell absolutely mouth-watering.

AC 6 [13], HD 2 (9 HP) Att 1 x grater (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 20, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Casu marzu

A soft monster with cheese mites crawling on and inside it. I dare you to eat this one. Hold your breath and close your eyes.

AC 6 [13], HD 2* (9 HP) Att 1 x sharpened cracker (1d6), THAC0 17 [2], MV 120' (40"), SV 12 13 14 15 16 (F2), ML 8, AL Neutral, XP 25, NA 2 (1d4), TT U

Specials: Mite bites - melee attacks knock mites off the cheese. They swarm the attacker and bite for 1d6 damage that ignores armour. Save vs breath negates.