The why of mcguffins

The macguffin. The prime motivator of a million campaigns. It doesn't matter what it is, everyone wants it, or wants someone else to not get their hands on it.

But you need something to tell the players. They can't chase halfway across the world after a mysterious, unnamed stand-in item. What if they find the wrong one? You can use this table to cook up an instant mcguffin.

This item resembles a (1d6):

1. sword
2. shield
3. staff
4. crown
5. book
6. statue

decorated with:

1. inlaid jewels.
2. eldritch runes.
3. an embossed holy symbol.
4. the personal sigil of a mythical figure.
5. a stylised devil's face.
6. a rare lacquer.

It's contained in a:

1. stained and discoloured chest.
2. velvet bag sewn with pegasus hair.
3. form-fitting container crafted from a single chunk of granite.
4. box with brightly-polished fittings and inlaid precious metals.
5. living creature's belly.
6. building's hidden alcove.

Its current holder is:

1. a wealthy merchant
2. a warlord
3. a wizard
4. a priest
5. a devil
6. a lich

and they obtained it through:

1. spoils of war.
2. trickery.
3. a game of skill.
4. a reward for a service.
5. a ransom.
6. a patron's gift.

It's said to have the power to:

1. heal any wound
2. crush any army
3. force any mortal being to obey the wielder
4. point the way to a great treasure
5. grant immortality
6. convey rulership of a kingdom

at the cost of:

1. corruption of the will.
2. a monstrous transformation.
3. the user's soul.
4. accepting a painful burden.
5. a loved one's life.
6. eternal servitude.

It's sought by:

1. a cult
2. a dying king
3. a dragon
4. a minor god
5. a general
6. a monster

using:

1. spies and assassins
2. mercenaries
3. monstrous servants
4. amoral adventurers
5. diplomats and agents
6. oracles and seers

for:

1. a war of conquest
2. a token of love
3. payment of a vast debt
4. a gift to impress a superior
5. the sake of denying it to an enemy
6. sheer greed

but secretly:

1. it's a powerless replica.
2. it has the opposite effect.
3. someone unexpected pays the cost.
4. it destroys the value of its gift, monkey's paw-style.
5. it has a second, hidden effect.
6. it fulfils its purpose in an unexpected way.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of travelling carnivals

Life in a small fantasy town is pretty dull when you're not being menaced by monsters. Harvest the turnips, tend the sheep, laugh at Old Hob getting drunk and falling off a stump... but when the travelling carnival comes to town, there's some relief from all that.

The carnival offers spectacle and regrettable snacks, but peer behind the tent flaps and there's also intrigue, danger, mysticism and adventure to be found. (By PCs, that is. Those turnips won't wait.)

The first thing you notice is (1d6):

1. colourful silk bunting.
2. a tall tent.
3. whimsical music.
4. strolling performers.
5. big animals.
6. garish pasteboard signs.

Wandering the grounds you might bump into a:

1. clown performing pratfalls.
2. stilt walker.
3. juggler tossing pins.
4. fire eater blowing fireballs above his head.
5. barker calling customers to an attraction.
6. roustabout carrying armloads of equipment.

On the stage you could see:

1. acrobats.
2. knife throwers.
3. sharpshooters.
4. strongmen.
5. a stage magician.
6. dancers in risqué costumes. 

You could pay to ride:

1. a mechanical bull operated with pulleys and cranks.
2. ponies.
3. camels or other exotic animals.
4. well-fed (but muzzled) monstrous creatures.
5. a horse cart with seats that go up and down as the wheels turn.
6. a wooden ferris wheel powered by a donkey.

If you're hungry, there are:

1. honeyed apples.
2. sausages.
3. spiced buns.
4. salted pease with pepper and vinegar.
5. fried pickles.
6. dried fruit and nuts.

This carnival's pride is its:

1. menagerie.
2. calliope.
3. retired adventurer who tells the tale of his greatest venture with help from actors in monster costumes.
4. alchemical fireworks.
5. trapeze artists.
6. dwarven-made mechanical dragon.

Prepare to get cheated at a contest of:

1. arm-wrestling.
2. pitching axes.
3. target-shooting.
4. ducking a fool.
5. ring-tossing.
6. jousting with padded lances on wobbly carts.

inside this tent is a:

1. fortune teller.
2. freak show starring exotic humanoids pretending to be savage.
3. magical item rare enough to impress the yokels.
4. wizard's apprentice earning money for their studies.
5. burlesque performance.
6. medicine show.

The carnival's misfortune is:

1. a crowd-pulling act that quit recently
2. an apprentice that died in a training accident
3. a big booking that fell through
4. a new law that restricts travelling entertainments
5. illness among the draft animals
6. a debt they can't pay

and their secret is:

1. the ringmaster and other managers are doppelgangers.
2. one of the trapeze artists is the runaway child of nobility.
3. they're spies.
4. their monstrous humanoids are polymorphed people they kidnapped along the way.
5. they're revolutionaries against a tyrannical authority.
6. they're retired adventurers, but a good enough score might tempt them to take up arms and race the PCs to the prize.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The why of festivals

You're approaching a town and you can hear music and laughter coming from around the bend. You've had the good luck of stumbling onto a local festival in progress.

Your pockets are jingling with coins - or else maybe you're broken and need to check the notice board for tavern keepers who want someone to kill the rats in their cellar. Either way, everyone's having a good time so you may as well join in.

It's a (1d6):

1. harvest festival.
2. commemoration of a famous historical event.
3. religious holiday.
4. trade fair.
5. guild day.
6. seasonal celebration.

You can smell the:

1. pork pies
2. sausages
3. pastries
4. raisin buns
5. candied fruits
6. peaches in sweet syrup

and there's flowing:

1. beer.
2. mulled ale.
3. black stout.
4. wine.
5. cider.
6. applejack.

The crowd are being entertained by:

1. wandering stilt-walkers
2. capering clowns
3. jugglers
4. performing minstrels
5. story-tellers
6. tumblers
   

and:

1. a game of ring-toss.
2. a wife-carrying race.
3. wrestling.
4. bobbing for apples.
5. a gurning contest (pulling grotesque faces).
6. a slippery pole race.

Beyond that is a stage where:

1. the mayor or headman is giving a speech
2. a priest is offering a blessing for all present
3. a history is being recited
4. a traditional song is being sung
5. children are reciting a teaching poem
6. an ancestral hero's armour and weapons are on display

but afterwards:

1. contest winners will be announced.
2. play actors will put on a performance.
3. a band will set up.
4. an effigy will be burned on a bonfire.
5. there will be dancing.
6. there's a scavenger hunt.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

The Why of Armed Companies

Wander a fantasy landscape long enough and you're bound to come across an armed force on their way to or from inflicting violence. They may be a scrappy but brave force of irregulars defending their homeland. They may be raiders and slavers out to enrich themselves. They may be hideous monsters who want sacrifices for their dark gods.

The only thing all armies have in common is that they're probably not at all nervous about bumping into the PCs.

This company of soldiers is formed of:

1. a single folk, common in this area
2. several races, all local
3. a range of folks, including some flyers and some that don't speak Common
4. a mix of uncommon races from far countries
5. creatures unrecognised by locals
6. monstrous races and magical constructs

For the purpose of:

1. waging war.
2. patrolling a contested border.
3. suppressing a rebellious population.
4. suppressing banditry and putting down hostile monsters.
5. raiding neighbouring settlements and capturing slaves.
6. confiscating civilian property.

They're:

1. a ragtag militia
2. green recruits
3. experienced troops
4. veteran fighters
5. an elite force
6. trained to fight exotic threats like monsters or magic

And their equipment:

1. is a hasty assemblage of shoddy and mismatched armour and weapons.
2. is cheap and poor quality.
3. is serviceable and well-maintained.
4. is good quality and carefully looked after.
5. is expensively decorated with gems and company badges, and includes magic items.
6. includes esoteric weapons and defences for fighting unconventional enemies.

They're here because:

1. they're marching to battle.
2. they're making an orderly retreat.
3. they're returning from battle laden with loot and prisoners.
4. they mutinied against joining a hopeless battle.
5. they're pursuing a fleeing enemy.
6. they deserted to form a mercenary company.

They want:

1. good foraging opportunities
2. a guide to show them a shortcut
3. advance knowledge of the settlements they'll pass through
4. to conscript new recruits
5. to recruit spies
6. a hot meal and somewhere safe to rest

But they don't want:

1. witnesses to report on their travels.
2. to stop for civilian problems.
3. their supply train to lag behind.
4. to split into smaller bands.
5. dissent in the ranks.
6. to offend the local religion.

Their main problem is:

1. shortage of supplies
2. delay caused by weather
3. navigating unfamiliar terrain
4. misguided orders that place them in unnecessary danger
5. their planned route is cut off
6. intelligence on the enemy is completely wrong

and their hidden problem is:

1. disease spreading in the ranks.
2. a spy among the officers.
3. a host of enraged undead following them.
4. their leader is cursed.
5. they've made an enemy of a powerful third party.
6. they died in battle and they don't know it.

(Thanks to Spwack of the Slight Adjustments blog for the generator code.)

D6 healing (sort of) items

1) Orihalcum knuckles of the puissant pugilist

A knuckle duster of potentially godly origin. Appears to be made of gold with veins of light running through it, and a leather strap so soft it must be angel hide. This item literally allows you to punch the wounds off people.

When used it inflicts 1d6 damage (applied before any healing), then heals 2d6 damage. Each subsequent healing of the same person per day does an additional d6 of damage and healing.

2) Flesh-mending swarm of the laughing revenant

A bottle made from a dried gourd, plugged with a leather patch and wooden bung. It contains a swarm of undead beetles, each the size of a pin-head. When shaken onto a creature, the beetles will enter through the nearest orifice and stitch wounds from the inside. Over the next day the creature will cough up the beetles, now properly dead.

Heals 1d4 per level of the user over level x rounds. Can be interrupted by turning or spells that protect against evil or undead.

3) Unfire

A flint and steel made from a dark glassy material that seems to reflect light in the wrong direction. It produces a blue-purple flame that only burns on flesh. Instead of being consumed, the flesh is healed.

Restores 1d4 per user's level. 1d6 if the weather is windy or wet. Functions five times daily.

4) Wandervine

A thumbnail-sized pale green seed. Tastes like cumin. The injured character swallows it whole. Later, vines grow from under their fingernails. Each produces a single seed. At that point their internal vine withers and the healing they received earlier is reversed.

Restores 1d4 per turn for three turns.

5) Sacrificial flock of the eagle priest

This ring is a white gold band decorated with a feather motif and a yellow tourmaline gem. If the wearer whispers the activation word to it, it summons a flock of whatever birds are closest. They fight to the death above the wearer's head, raining feathers, blood and other fluids down on them. The gory rain heals them.

Restores 1d8 + level points. Each time it's used in the same day, the die type steps down by one stage. There are fewer available birds nearby.

6) Fulminator

Fulminator is a grey-green stone the size of a fig. if swallowed (with difficulty) it waits for the user to fall to 0 HP before activating. At that point it explodes, completely vaporising the user. A round later they reform from the dust and smoke at full HP. To be used again, Fulminator must be found and re-swallowed.

Magic item: the Cruet Cart

This loaf-sized cart of tarnished pewter was made as a cruet set for a rich man's table. It originally came with salt and pepper shakers, and bottles for vinegar and oil. The vinegar bottle has been lost over time. It was created in the form of a farm cart pulled by two mules, with two caricatured peasants riding on top. When ordered, the cart will drive to the speaker's plate and season it. When idle, the peasants and mules perform one of a series of silly play-acts reinforcing their bucolic stupidity. It becomes motionless when put inside a bag or other container.

The benefit to adventurers is that the little figures will sprinkle any powder or liquid the cart is loaded up with onto anything they're told to. Holy water, lamp oil, black powder, etc. And the cart is fully capable of driving up walls and across ceilings to get to the 'plate'.

Usage: all characters.

Charges: permanent.

Appearance: A cart and figures made of once-shiny grey metal, scratched and dented.

The why of encounter tables

Orc by Rafiico Creative Studio
on IconScout

Most encounter tables include two extreme results - the creature(s) attack immediately and the creature(s) are friendly and helpful. 

If the encountered creature is a beast of some sort, you can assume that instant hostility is because it sees you as food, a threat or intruding on its territory. An intelligent creature's basic motivation might be the same, but there should be something more complex going in the background.

To roll a D66, roll two D6s and take one result as the tens column.

D66 reasons to attack

11. This creature robs to support itself (carousing ain't cheap).
12. This creature robs to buy manufactured goods from a trader.

13. This creature robs to pay tribute to a warboss/feudal lord/necromancer/etc.

14. This creature robs to buy a family member out of slavery.

15. This creature robs for money to impress a potential spouse's family.

16. This creature robs because it's getting older and wants to retire.

21. This creature wants to eat you because its crops are blighted.

22. This creature wants to eat you to gain your spiritual power.

23. This creature wants to eat you because that gains it status in its culture.

24. This creature wants to eat you because it's lost and supplies have run out.

25. This creature wants to eat you because it's tried every other local meat.

26. This creature wants to eat you because it believes your flesh is medicinal.

31. This creature kills intruders because that's the law of its people.

32. This creature kills intruders because this is its home.

33. This creature kills intruders because it will lose its territory if it seems weak.

34. This creature kills intruders because others of its kind here can't defend themselves.

35. This creature kills intruders because this is its holy place.

36. This creature kills intruders because it has a secret here to protect.

41. This creature fights to prove itself.

42. This creature fights to win your respect.

43. This creature fights because it's fun!

44. This creature fights because it hates your kind.

45. This creature fights to please its gods.

46. This creature fights because those are its orders.

51. This creature attacks because there's another fighting force nearby and it doesn't want to be flanked.

52. This creature attacks because it's afraid you'll draw the attention of a much bigger threat.

53. This creature attacks because other encounters with your kind have always turned violent.

54. This creature attacks to prevent you from telling others that it's here.

55. This creature attacks because it believes you carry disease.

56. This creature attacks because you seem like a rival for its goal.

61. This creature wants to capture you to claim a bounty.

62. This creature wants to capture you as a slave.

63. This creature wants to capture hostages to extort local rulers.

64. This creature wants to capture you as a living shield in another fight.

65. This creature wants to capture you to ransom you to your family.

66. This creature wants to capture you to be a sacrifice for its gods.